Losing Control
by Xaetear
Summary: There is a constant battle inside of all of us: the war between good and evil. Merlin's light half has always won, but when strange events begin to occur, Merlin finds his control of the dark is weakening.
1. The Girl

"Do you deny that you use magic?"

Silence.

"We have a witness that saw you lighting a candle by looking at it."

Silence.

"Answer me! You have nothing to gain by being quiet. We have proof."

Silence.

Uther rubbed his eyes wearily. "We cannot have the likes of you parading about committing destruction."

"King Uther," said a hesitant voice. It was Gaius. "She only lit a candle."

"I DON'T CARE!" screamed Uther, clenching the wood on his throne. The brown haired girl stared up at him utterly mortified. Her pale hands clutched her rugged green skirt as her eyes slowly filled with tears. "What is lighting a candle today is burning a town to ashes the next. Take her back to the dungeons."

Merlin felt a surge of pity for the girl. A brief moment of carelessness was all it took for her to be discovered. Merlin winced when he realised it could easily be him in shackles; him crouched terrified before King Uther...

"Please," the girl gasped, startling the guards; it was the first word she had spoken. "My sisters, they are young, they cannot look after themselves." With a nod from Uther, the guards resumed dragging her away. "Please! PLEASE!" she shrieked. The girl glanced around frantically with hunted, haunted eyes. An elderly man watched the proceedings without emotion.

"Tom! How could you? HOW COULD YOU?!" shouted the girl, sobbing in earnest now. Tom simply stared into her pleading brown eyes apathetically.

"We have your sisters as well," said Uther.

"Are they safe? Have you harmed them?" demanded the girl. "Tell me!" she sobbed.

Uther wrinkled his nose as he looked down on her. Arthur ran his fingers through his hair.

"You practised magic."

"Yes I did! I know I did!"

"You committed treason against Camelot and are sentenced to death. You will be burned at the stake at dawn tomorrow."

The brown-haired girl didn't say a word, only glaring in hatred at the man sitting before her. Merlin shivered slightly at the cold silence. The guards dragged her out of the room. The moment they left, Arthur placed his head in his hands. There was not a single smile.

"This is an example," said King Uther, straightening his back. "That girl practised sorcery. She's committed treason against the kingdom, all of Camelot. She would have taken this throne if she'd had the chance."

The girl looked no older than fourteen.

* * *

A few hours later, Merlin was scrubbing the cold stone floor in Arthur's bedroom with resentment. The girl hadn't deserved that, she didn't deserve anything close to that. All she had done was light a candle from across the room while her hands were full with taking care of her younger sisters, when an old man happened to walk by, glancing in the window.

Merlin stood up and frowned at the floor. It looked clean enough. As long as Arthur didn't scrutinize it, he wouldn't notice the patches of dirt here and there.

Arthur stepped into his bedroom, exhausted. "I really hope you have dinner ready Merlin because I am _starving._"

A slight twinge of annoyance brushed against Merlin. The prince knew nothing of starvation. Arthur had always been surrounded by an absolute _plethora_ of food.

"Did you scrub the floor?" asked Arthur.

"Yes."

"Polish my armour?"

"Yes."

"Wash my clothes?"

"Yes."

"Knit me a scarf?"

"Ye- what?"

Arthur chuckled. "Why haven't you knitted me a scarf yet?" Merlin grinned.

"Sorry, I was too busy making you a hat, but I didn't have enough yarn to knit one that fit your inflated head."

Arthur threw a cup at him. Merlin barely dodged it in time.

"Is there anything else Dollop head?"

"No, just bring me my supper. That is, if you can make it down to the kitchens without becoming lost."

"Alright. I'll be sure to ask for a small, _healthy_ meal so you don't... well..."

"What?"

"Shirts can only be sized so big you know."

Merlin quickly left the room before Arthur found something to throw, feeling considerably better than he had when he had entered.

* * *

"Gaius, what do you think about the girl?"

The physician chewed his bread for a long time before answering. When he finally swallowed, he gave Merlin a probing look.

"You know I disagree, but I can't change that," said Gaius. "Don't go doing anything stupid."

Merlin sighed. "She was so young. She has two little sisters that depend on her. How could Uther do something so cruel? How could Arthur just stand there, watching?" Merlin shook his head, eating another bite of his soup.

"I know; I feel the same way."

"I'm going to go talk to her," Merlin said, standing up. "I only hope Uther won't kill her siblings as well."

* * *

"I brought you some food." Merlin crouched down near the cold metal bars of the prison. The girl only stared at him. "I'm so sorry."

"There's nothing you can do."

"What is your name?"

She gave him another sad, long look. "Emae."

"Your parents, who- where are they?"

"We think they died." Emae reached for the food, taking a small bite of the bread.

"Think?"

"About two years ago, they left and never returned. It's been me and my sisters ever since." Emae glanced at the cell across from her. Merlin turned around and saw two children, one around six and the other maybe ten. They both had light hair and eyes and fairly tan skin, contrasting their older sister's pale complexion. They both stared at Merlin. He stood up, feeling uneasy at their quiet, accusing stare.

"What's going to happen to them?" asked Emae.

"I don't know."

Emae placed the bread back down on the plate. She pushed it away, looking sick. She stared up at Merlin, tears filling her eyes. "I'm going to die, and there'll be no one to look after them."

"Don't say that," said Merlin, reaching inside the bars for her hand. "It'll be okay. It'll be okay. I have to go now-"

"No. Please stay with me," said Emae desperately, clutching his hand. Merlin gently pulled his hand out of her grasp.

"I can't. I'm sorry. I have to give his royal pratness dinner."

The girl smiled at him slightly. "Thank you." Merlin turned to leave.

"Goodbye Emrys," chanted the voices of children behind him.

Merlin turned around, the two younger girls staring up at him with wide, pleading eyes. "How... how do you know my name...?"

"We all know your name," the younger of the two girls said in an eerily adult-like voice. "You are the one in our prophecies. Your are the one to vanquish darkness and bring good magic back to the land. But beware Emrys, for trials you will face, and they will not be easy."

"Are you... are you Druids?"

The children nodded.

"Why did that old man turn you in?"

"He has joined Uther in the war against magic," said the younger girl. "He no longer trusts us."

"Why would he do such a thing?"

"Not all are as loyal as you, Emrys."

Merlin uneasily turned around and went up the stairs, mulling over their words. He walked past the guards, and stared at the pastel sunset, wishing he could help them.

* * *

"...sentenced for crimes against the kingdom by using witchcraft. She will be burned at the stake," finished Uther. The crowd jostled against each other to see the girl accused of witchcraft, expecting to see some sort of twisted, malevolent, hideous creature; instead just seeing a young girl with her hands tied behind her back and watery eyes. Murmurs rippled across the crowd, confused. They had heard a witch was being burned today, and all they saw was a girl, still several years away from adulthood.

Merlin glanced at Gaius next to him. Gaius's shoulders were slumped as he stared at Uther with desperation.

For a brief second, Merlin saw someone in the crowd. He wore a raged grey robe and had piercing red eyes, the eyes of one who practises dark magic. He was smirking. Merlin blinked, confused. The man disappeared.

Emae was struggling against the rope that tied her to the wood. A Knight- Merlin couldn't tell who- placed a torch on the dry sticks. Emae screamed as the flames leaped up the wood and devoured her. The fire licked her skin until it melted and turned black. She shrieked in pain as her hair caught flame, and her body twisted and flinched from the pain. Her screams ebbed away until there was no sound; only the crackling of the fire could be heard.

She only looked thirteen, maybe fourteen. Merlin realised he had no idea how old she was.

More guards led two blonde girls to the fire. They were going to kill her sisters too! They hadn't even done anything; they didn't even have any magic! Merlin stared at the guards, enraged. The two little girls walked obediently towards the flaming corpse, unaware of their fate.

Four of the guards fell to the ground in pain as they clutched their chests, screaming in agony. People in the crowd gasped, looking around at each other in shock. Four healthy young men didn't simply have heart attacks all at the same time. The two young Druid girls glanced up at Merlin before escaping in the resulting chaos.

Merlin glanced down at his hands and tried to unclench them. His fingernails were biting into the skin on his palm.

"Merlin?" asked Gaius.

Merlin hadn't realised he was scowling. He slowed his breathing and tried to think of something happy. Nothing came to mind. Sadness and anger resounded off the walls of his head and whispered to him. Images of the girl rose up, shrieking and writing in pain as she felt her body suffer and die...

"Merlin," said Gaius, resting a hand on his shoulder. Merlin flinched away and then winced. The guards stilled, and stopped breathing. Gaius stared up at him with concern.

Merlin hurried away from the physician, ashamed of himself. He hadn't meant to kill the soldiers; they had families to go home to every night, wives who loved them. Merlin had just created four widows and several children without fathers. They hadn't even done anything wrong, they were only following their king's orders.

_What have I done_, Merlin thought, leaning against a wall. He had killed four innocent men in cold didn't even have a chance, struck from behind by an unseen enemy.

_What have I done?_

* * *

Weeks passed and things were still the same. Merlin mucked out filthy stables, polished armour, mopped floors, delivered food, cleaned surfaces...

But the man in the crowd lingered on in Merlin's mind. He had looked directly at him with a smile, watching him as if he knew that Merlin would inadvertently kill four innocent soldiers...

Merlin shook his head, frowning. He glanced out a window on the way up to Arthur's chambers, steeling himself to wake up the reluctant prince. Grey thunderclouds filled the sky, blocking out the sun with their heaviness.

"Rise and shine," said Merlin characteristically happy, opening the curtains to brighten the room slightly. "Up you get, lazy daisy."

"Merlin! I told you never to call me that!" Merlin caught the pillow the prince threw at him and tossed it back on the bed, laughing.

"Oops, must've slipped my mind," Merlin said with a laugh. "How did that happen? I'll go get your breakfast, although I wonder if you even need it. After all-"

"Merlin!"

* * *

Still chuckling to himself, Merlin carried the platter of food up to his royal pratness. At the end of the hallway, he saw the figure.

A man with red eyes in grey robes, and this time Merlin noticed a third of the man's flesh was rotted, looking as if he had died and then decayed in a pool of water...

Arthur's breakfast fell with a clatter to the floor as Merlin pressed both hands to the side of his head in pain. A torrent of negative emotion- anger, hatred, fear, spite- filled his mind until he could think of nothing else.

"What do you want with me?!" shrieked Merlin. Distantly, he heard glass shatter.

The hatred faded. Merlin looked up and saw that every window in the hallway had shattered outward. The man with rotting flesh was gone.

_Did... did I do that?_ He wondered. He had only rarely used magic before without meaning to, and that was before he had met Gaius. It was lucky that all he had done was break a few windows. He could easily have accidently destroyed the entire kingdom.

He picked up the food with trembling hands, placing it back on the tray, hoping that Arthur wouldn't notice the small amount of dirt on it.

Merlin hurried down the hallway, wondering what was going on...


	2. The Man

"Merlin, are you feeling alright?"

"I... I don't know." It was a week after the girl had been burned at the stake. Merlin didn't tell Gaius about the strange man he kept seeing, accompanied by the surge of emotion he tormented Merlin with. Merlin wasn't sure why, Gaius probably had a solution. Gaius always had a solution, but this time Merlin felt like he had to deal with this alone. Gaius hadn't seen the man with the rotting skin, Gaius hadn't felt the awful surge of hatred, Gaius hadn't briefly lost control of his magic and shattered several windows... No... Merlin wanted to be alone...

"You've been quiet."

Merlin stifled the outburst he felt creeping up his throat. "I'm just tired." Merlin yawned and stood up. The urge to skulk in his room, in the wonderful blanket of silence, arose.

"You haven't finished your food."

"Not hungry." Merlin stumbled to his room and fell asleep, exhausted.

* * *

Gaius frowned as the boy walked to his room drowsily. He could tell that something was going on that Merlin wasn't telling him, but what was it?

Items would randomly fall off tables and counters, even though no one was near them. Sudden wind would blow, even indoors. Torches would flicker out. And it would all happen when Merlin was nearby. Merlin didn't seem to notice the items moving without anyone touching them. Fortunately, no one had spoken to the physician about magic appearing to follow Merlin around...

Merlin was hardly speaking to anybody. His face was turning gaunt and even whiter than it already was. He would suddenly stare off into the distance and look at something no one else could see.

* * *

"Hello Emrys."

"What do you want with me?" Merlin wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not. He was in his bedroom, sitting upright in bed, but the edges of things were blurry, and there was something about his room that didn't feel quite right.

"I only want to speak with you." Merlin could feel the man with the red eyes and partly rotted face stare into his soul.

"Who are you?" Merlin prepared himself to hear about yet another sorcerer who felt that Uther had wronged them and wanted to take over Camelot.

"I can help you. You've felt others have wronged you, and I can help you get revenge."

"Not interested." Merlin lay back down and closed his eyes.

"Are you sure?" His voice became a hiss, reminding Merlin of a serpent. His next words sent icy chills crawling up and down Merlin's spine.

"Have you seen your mother for a while?"

* * *

The man did something to Merlin that made him fall asleep. Images, sounds, and thoughts all flashed through his mind, and all he could do was wait for it to stop...

"No!" shouted Merlin, sitting up. "No no no no no..." His hands ran across his blankets, tearing the damp sheets off his sweating body. "No..." He jumped up and ran towards the physician's front door. Tearing open the door, he darted down the staircase still in his night clothes.

"Merlin?" called Gaius drowsily. "What are you doing at this hour?"

Merlin turned around reluctantly, wringing his hands. "It's my mother. Ealdor, it's going to burn..."

"What on Earth are you talking about?"

Events from his dream streamed before his eyes. Merlin saw fire devouring homes, people screaming in horror as the flames enveloped their bodies, falling to the ground in pain. A black-haired woman watching the suffering and pain and devastation with pleasure evident on her face. A small child shrieked as his clothes caught fire. He coughed and fell to the ground in pain. He stared up at the woman, pleading for her to help him, to make it stop. The woman threw her head back and laughed.

"Morgana!" he cried, pulling on his dark hair. "Morgana's going to burn Ealdor. I need to tell Arthur..."

"Merlin, you can't go to Arthur in the middle of the night, claiming you saw Morgana burning Ealdor, it would raise too many questions."

Merlin's eyes began to fill with tears. "Gaius, I need to go. I need to tell him so he can..."

"So he can what? Send knights to help a small village outside of Camelot? I'd hate to say it, but it won't seem important to him."

"No," whispered Merlin, clutching his head with his eyes squeezed shut. The torches began to flicker.

"Merlin, calm down, there's still time-"

"No!" he screamed. The fire increased until the heat made Gaius sweat. The door began to rattle, and above them, cracks formed in the stone ceiling.

"Merlin-"

"No! I have to help her!" he cried, eyes still shut. Sparks fell from the torches' flame and scorched the floor.

"Merlin, you're losing control, calm down. OUCH!"

Merlin's eyes opened, fading from a blazing gold to a normal blue. "Gaius- I... I'm so sorry." Gaius held the arm he had used to reach out to Merlin.

"It's okay. Just a small burn."

"Let me heal-"

"No, no, it doesn't hurt very much." Gaius was wincing.

"I'm so sorry."

"There's nothing to worry about Merlin. I'm fairly certain Morgana is here in Camelot, there's no way she'd have been able to journey to Ealdor in such a short amount of time."

"Are you sure? Her magic has been growing stronger... I'm going to go check." Before the physician could speak a word, Merlin hurried away.

* * *

Gaius winced as he applied his own healing ointments to his burn. It had taken all his self control not to shout in pain. There were areas where his skin was raw and blistering, and other areas where he had no skin at all. The warlock hadn't even said a word of the ancient language and yet he had nearly destroyed all the skin up to his elbow. Gaius hadn't even touched Merlin, let alone grabbed him, and yet the heat Merlin emitted was hotter than a fire.

If Gaius hadn't been the one to bring Merlin back to his senses... if there had been someone else to see Merlin trembling and causing things to shake with him... if there had been someone else trying to reach out to him...

Gaius shuddered as the ointment stung. It would hurt now, but hopefully his burn would heal fully within a week.

* * *

Merlin hurried along the corridors, sticking to the shadows so the knights on patrol wouldn't see him. He reached Morgana's bedroom, his hand resting on the doorknob hesitantly. Did he want to know what was on the other side?

Merlin pushed the door open.

Silence.

"I told you."

Merlin whirled around. It was _him_. The man with the rotting face and derelict robes. "What have you done?" Merlin hissed. He wanted to grab the man; he wanted to throttle and choke him until his face turned red, gasping for breath as his weak hands protested against Merlin... And he could do it. He had the power to use his magic to grab the man and strangle him until he pleaded with his last breath...

As if reading his thoughts, the man smirked.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway. "No Gwen, I'm fine, I simply had to use the toilet. There's nothing wrong."

Merlin quickly hid behind a nearby statue. Morgana and Gwen walked around the corner.

"But milady, it's the middle of the night."

"I'm so sorry Gwen. But why were you up?"

"I couldn't sleep," she muttered.

"So why were you wandering the castle?"

"I dunno, I thought I heard something..."

Merlin slipped away from the two women, towards an alternate, though somewhat longer route, that would take him back to his room.

"Leaving so soon?" Merlin flinched. The man's shadow was silhouetted against an ancient wall. Merlin ignored him and continued walking. "I never did tell you what I needed your help for." The man sighed in a mockery of compassion.

"I told you, I'm not interested."

"But I can help you." The man's voice turned soft, almost becoming a gentle croon.

"What is it? Do I need your help or do you need mine?"

"Both. I can help you Emrys. Even you must have realised you cannot access the full extent of your powers."

Merlin stopped walking. "What?"

"There is evil you must face, and even you cannot hope to destroy it in the state you are in."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can help you unleash your full potential."

Merlin frowned warily. He resumed walking away. He wasn't going to look back, he wasn't going to look back, he wasn't going to look back...


	3. The Dream

"No," Merlin said, his voice faltering. "I don't believe..."

"I can help you," the man said. His eyes were bright.

"You use dark magic."

"No. Magic is not inherently evil or good. Magic is pure. Only those with it can decide what they do with it. I can help you. I can help you unleash your full potential-"

"N-no..." Merlin turned away and hurried along the corridors to his room. All he wanted was to sleep. All he wanted was to fade away. Merlin winced and placed his hand on his stomach, feeling nauseated.

Merlin didn't see the awful twisted glee that flitted across the face of the man before he disappeared into the blackness.

* * *

"Merlin?"

In a daze, Merlin closed the door behind him. "Yeah?"

"What- are you feeling alright?"

Merlin gritted his teeth. "I'm fine!" Gaius paused, the small pot of ointment in his hands beginning to crack. He glanced up at the warlock questioningly. Merlin saw the cracking pot in Gaius's hands and winced. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to- Gaius! Your arm! What- did... did I do that?"

Unable to think of anything besides a blatant lie, Gaius allowed Merlin to see his arm.

"Gaius, I'm so sorry, I had no idea... I just don't know what's going on right now. Why is everything I'm around getting destroyed?"

"I don't know Merlin."

"There's nothing in any of the books here that say anything about this?"

"I've searched and nothing I have has anything."

"I have to go to the library," Merlin muttered, running a hand through his messy black hair. "There has to be _something_ that'll help me..."

"Not now," Gaius said wearily. "You look exhausted."

"Gaius, I hav- the soon-" Merlin stopped talking, unable to find the right words. "I need to right now. Please."

"No, Merlin, go lay down; you need the rest."

"Gaius!" Merlin protested.

"Merlin," Gaius said firmly. "Sleep is what you need most. Go to bed."

"Fine," Merlin muttered, walking to his bedroom. Merlin fell face down on his bed. Although he didn't want to admit it to Gaius, he _was_ tired, but he was also frightened. So very frightened.

What the man had talked about to Merlin gave him an awful longing feeling. Merlin wanted to have all of his power under his control. But at the same time, he knew something about the man just felt... wrong. The way part of the skin on his face was darkened and peeling away just didn't seem natural. The whites of his eyes were a sickly yellow, as well as his teeth. An awful stench lingered about him, the stench of a dead body...

But the man radiated with an aura of energy and power. Merlin could feel waves of magic streaming off him in wonderful, exhilarating rays.

There was a darkness; however, Merlin knew could not be trusted. It was in his eyes, a pathway to his soul, pitiless and corrupted, displaying the awful result of such dark magic. The man had power beyond belief, perhaps rivalling that of the great Emrys himself, but at such a terrible price. His very body was rotting on the outside, mirroring that what was happening on the inside.

Merlin rolled over on his back, the palms of his hands pressed against his eyelids. How he wanted to sleep... he just wanted to sleep...

* * *

The man with the black eyes stood in a clearing, staring up at the moonlight. The darkness whispered to him, speaking words- such wonderful words.

The darkness swirled about him, rejoicing in the fact that he had almost managed to persuade Emrys to join them. Even the blackness of the night feared the light Emrys shone with. The darkness wanted to take Emrys away, into its depths. Emrys would be reluctant, but with time and enough influence, Emrys could be twisted and consumed by the darkness.

* * *

_"Merlin, how could you? I trusted you! I TRUSTED YOU!" Arthur yelled. Merlin only smiled. "You have magic and I TRUSTED YOU!"_

_ Merlin laughed and watched as those he had once considered to be his friends thrash and struggle against the invisible bonds of magic. He raised his hand and brought it down with a slashing motion. Arthur shrieked as his torso was cut open. His organs were ripped out, but Merlin kept Arthur alive so he could feel his own innards being torn to shreds before his very eyes..._

_ Blood was almost ankle deep in the underground dungeon. Screams of terror resounded on the stone walls, creating a melodious symphony in Merlin's ears..._

_ "I hate you!"_

_ "Filthy sorcerer!"_

_ "You sick, twisted man."_

_ "Stop this," pleaded Gaius. "Please..."_

_ Merlin only laughed as the darkness consumed him... _

* * *

A yell from Merlin's room awoke Gaius. Startled, he ran to the boy's room to see what had happened.

Merlin was shivering and shaking, even though he was drenched in sweat. He alternated between screaming and groaning. The physician lay a gentle hand to Merlin's forehead. He was feverish. Merlin sat up suddenly and opened his eyes wide; the back of Gaius's mind feeling relieved they were a normal blue.

"Gaius?"

"I'm here Merlin." Gaius reached out a comforting hand to Merlin's shoulder, but he flinched away as if Merlin didn't want to infect him. Gaius pulled his hand back to his side, worried. "What was it?"

"I... I... No," sobbed Merlin quietly, muffling his cries with his pillow. "I... it was... I was..."

"It was just a dream Merlin. It isn't real."

"But what if it will be real?" Merlin asked, looking up. "What if it was a vision or something of the future... and... and..."

"It won't happen," said Gaius firmly, still having no idea of what it was Merlin had seen or felt. "It was only a dream."

"But it felt so real," gasped Merlin. Tears streamed down his face. "I was... I was..."

"You were what?"

"I don't..." Merlin pressed his trembling hands against his eyes. "It was only a dream." Merlin lay back down on his bed. "Just a dream..."

The darkness smiled.


	4. The Prophecy

"Merlin?" asked Gaius. Merlin opened his eyes blearily.

"What?" Merlin asked, sitting up. He seemed fine, looked normal as far as Gaius could tell. Whatever Merlin had dreamed about, he appeared to have forgotten it.

Gaius looked like he had something on the tip of his tongue to say. The physician opened his mouth, hesitated, and then closed his mouth. "Just... Remember whatever you might find in the library... just remember who you are."

"...Okay..." Merlin sniggered. "I'll be sure."

"I'm serious Merlin. Just remember. But you can't go now, in the daytime. It would arouse questions."

"Why does everything have to make questions?" Merlin exploded. "Why can't I do anything without it being strange?!"

"Merlin," Gaius cautioned.

"Why does everyone have to assume that I'm up to no good?!"

Gaius winced as he felt a wave of pure energy rush off the warlock. Gaius stumbled back towards the small kitchen, falling to the floor.

"Why can't I just do something without being questioned?!" Merlin growled. His eyes turned gold and several glass jars in the cupboards shattered.

"Merlin, please," gasped Gaius, unable to stand because of the magic pressing down on him.

"Gaius," said Merlin horrified. "I'm so sorry." Merlin darted over to the physician and helped him up. "I-I-I didn't mean any of that. I'm so sorry."

"Something is going on Merlin. I have sensed it also. The powers of darkness have been increasing."

"Why is it affecting me so badly? I can hardly think straight anymore."

"I don't know." Gaius watched as Merlin gathered his things, still apologising profusely, and left the room. He sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily.

* * *

"Merlin, what's going on?"

He dropped the broom he was holding. "Wh-what?"

Arthur chewed on his food slowly. "You've hardly said a word since you came in. You didn't tell me to get my lazy arse out of bed or call me names or anything."

"Do you want me to apologise?"

"No, I'm just wondering why you're so quiet."

Merlin sighed. "I dunno. I'm just... not feeling very well today."

"Too bad," Arthur said with a smirk. "We have another person accused of sorcery and you have to suffer through that with me."

Merlin winced. He suddenly felt angry. Merlin had to watch his own people suffer and die because of some stupid king. The urge to hurt Arthur, to torture Arthur, came across Merlin's mind like a shadow. The exhilarating feeling of total control, of watching those he hated suffer, to watch people that had trusted him stare at the raw power he possessed, would be thrilling.

Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw the man with the blood red eyes smiling. Merlin turned to look at him, but he couldn't see the man directly. It was only in his peripheral vision that he could see the man grinning.

Merlin shook his head slightly, struggling to clear his thoughts. He was going to go to the library that day and research old Druid legends that spoke of the mystical Emrys, and discover what was going on with him and the darkness.

A distant memory prodded Merlin's consciousness. A brief feeling of horror... of terror... of evil... of watching those he loved die...

Merlin shook it off, shrugging.

* * *

Thankfully, the Court Library was empty when Merlin arrived. Hour after hour he spent pouring over old scrolls and books, trying to find a mention of the name Emrys in the lengthy Druid prophecies, but his search yielded no results. And yet the library remained empty. He knew Arthur would be wondering where he was, but Merlin just couldn't wait until night time. Merlin wanted to know _right now_.

The suspicion the man with the red eyes had purposely emptied the library so Merlin could search in peace crossed his mind. But that was ridiculous, Merlin reminded himself with a slight chuckle. The man would have no incentive to clear the library for Merlin unless-

He found it! Merlin found the name! Eagerly, he began to read. It was the standard prophecy he had heard a million times: two sides of the same coin, most powerful warlock to ever live, can destroy kingdoms and raise them out of the ground again...

But Merlin's blue eyes fell upon a passage he had never heard of before.

_As great the destiny of the almighty Emrys is, however, there is a shadow to the light. Just as likely that he will bring magic back to the land, is that he will fall. The great Emrys will succumb to selfishness and anger, betrayal and hatred. He will destroy those who he once loved and protected. With his own willing hands, he will kill the ones dearest and closest to him. The powerful Emrys will have a heart as black as ink and wil-_

"Having fun are we?"

Merlin flinched and whirled around, breathing heavily. "What is it now?"

"Reading your destiny are you not?"

"Go away. I won't join you. I will never join you."

"It is not I that wants to help you, it is the darkness. The darkness surrounds us, and yet does not exist. Just as there is a force of light, there is a force of dark. The two are unbalanced. Light has been winning the hearts of man since the dawn of time. The shadows have always lurked, yet light always seems to prevail. The world is out of balance. Light has little to offer while darkness will give you unimaginable gifts."

"I will not join you," Merlin said. "The world is in balance right now. If anything, darkness is winning, not light." Again, the negative feelings swarmed around him. He wanted to hurt the man in front of him... torture... destroy... kill...

"Who are you?" asked Merlin.

"I am like you and you are like me. We share many things in common, and yet some things are opposite. We are of the same kind. I am called Noxic."

"You are not my kind. Just because you have magic doesn't mean we have anything else in common."

"Would you like to hear the rest of the prophecy?"

Merlin hesitated. He really didn't want to, but the curiosity was overwhelming.

_"The powerful Emrys will have a heart as black as ink and will become clouded by the magic he once held so dear. His eyes will turn red as the blood of those he murdered. Before he is consumed, however, a series of foretold events will occur. A young girl will be sacrificed and innocent men will feel the wrath of Emrys. His very emotions will turn against him while a guilty man evades the fate destiny has in store. During the night, small animals will fall prey to an unseen force-"_

"Shut up," Merlin hissed. The girl... the four men... The events were happening. He didn't want to know what else would happen.

"You don't want to hear? You don't want to know?" Noxic was smiling warmly. " You don't want to listen to me talk about your ascension to-"

"No," Merlin said calmly. "Get out. Now." The memory of his nightmare surged forward to the front of his mind. Merlin gasped and squeezed his eyes shut, terrified. No, it couldn't happen, it wasn't going to happen... he would be okay... he would remain strong and stand in the light... he wasn't going to kill the ones he loved... he wasn't going to become a monster...

But what if he was? What if his dream was a premonition? What if it was going to happen? What if? What if? WHAT IF?!


	5. The Sorcerers

The sorcerer spread his arms wide and stared up at the moon as if to embrace it. Figures in cloaks teleported to the clearing to join their leader. A blanket of some foul stench filled the air as more and more people crowded into the small space. It was the odour of dark magic, the smell of rotting skin on living bodies...

"My friends," said Noxic, his hands wide. The soft murmur of speech faded to silence. "The powers of darkness have been increasing for a while now. Soon, the world will be brought back to balance. Soon we will no longer have to slink to the shadows for fear of being put to death for being who we are. Soon the mighty Emrys will rise and we will prevail."

Emotions of hate and anger filled the swarm of sorcerers. Tendrils of smoky blackness enveloped the clearing and the magic intensified so much that a warlock several kilometres away could feel the shift in balance.

* * *

"Whoa," muttered Merlin, placing the horse brush on the straw strewn floor. The light brown mare neighed uneasily and stamped her hooves. "You felt that too huh?" he mused. "I wonder..."

A wave of nausea crashed over him. Merlin stumbled and groped around for something to lean on in the horse's stall. The feeling passed and he straightened, frowning at the horse. Her large brown eyes were gazing at him, almost looking worried. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, placing her snout against Merlin's forehead. He stepped back, puzzled. She hadn't spoken any words, but her emotions were clear enough to read. She was concerned.

Merlin frowned and walked back up to the prince's chambers.

* * *

"Hello Arthur!" shouted Merlin happily, throwing open the doors to the prince's room. Startled, Arthur made an ink blot on the official looking document he was about to sign. He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"Merlin, how many times does it take for something to sink into that daft skull of yours? Knock before entering next time."

"But that's no fun," Merlin laughed, picking up the prince's dirty clothes. "This way I can give you a big surprise every time I entre."

Arthur threw a goblet at Merlin's head. Merlin winced and placed his head to the red spot it had hit. When Arthur saw the grimace on his servant's face he smirked.

"Oh, I'm sorry _Merlin_," mocked Arthur. "Did that _hurt_?"

"Are you kidding me? After all these years your aim has improved somewhat, but you still throw like a girl!" Merlin hurried out of the room with his arms full of dirty laundry before Arthur got his hands on something else. At the end of the corridor, he saw Gwen with a basket of Morgana's clean dresses.

"Hello Gwen, how are you?"

"I'm fine," said Gwen with a warm smile. "Great, actually. Arthur and I are going on a ride later today. We'll finally have some time together."

"Are you sure that's safe? What if Uther finds out his only son is out riding horses with a serving girl?"

Gwen smiled and shifted the basket of clean clothes she was carrying. "He won't find out."

"Why are you so certain?"

"Because Arthur told his father he was going out for a ride alone to contemplate things for a couple hours."

"Ah," Merlin said with a grin. "Tricky, tricky."

Gwen snorted and resumed her walk to Morgana's chambers. "Have a nice day Merlin."

"I would say the same to you, but I have a feeling you'll have a nice day anyway."

Merlin whistled a tune he could quite recall the name of, but it sounded cheerful.

Merlin had been feeling much better recently. Thoughts of Emae's death came less and less frequently; surges of hatred and anger had all but stopped. But the Druid's prophecy still lingered in the back of his mind, eating away like maggots on an animal carcass...

Merlin hadn't seen the man for several days now, and the last time he had seen him, the man appeared to be fading away. He was winning. Emrys was winning. He wasn't going to fall to the darkness. He wasn't going to be consumed and kill those he cared for...

* * *

Despite the young warlock's protests that he was perfectly fine, Gaius still felt wary around Merlin. It had been a week since he had performed magic without meaning to, but Gaius had seen the raw energy in Merlin's eyes- the unpredictable and uncontrollable magic. The day Merlin had returned from the library, he appeared shaken- unhinged even- and Gaius was worried that he would use magic without meaning to, even though Merlin could see that Gaius was examining a patient at the time. But Merlin regained control again. He had walked to his room and slammed the door, alarming the man Gaius was looking over.

Merlin had told Gaius about the prophecy in a trembling voice when the man left. Gaius soothed him, and said that it was only a very small chance he would become what he feared and despised so much...

"Hello Gaius," Merlin said, walking through the door. The physician glanced up from the concoction he was creating. Merlin tossed his bag down on the table. "I got you those herbs you asked for." Looking at the smiling youth, Gaius inwardly berated himself for ever doubting Merlin's strength. There was no way the bubbly young man could ever betray anyone...

And yet there had been those moments when a shadow stirred behind Merlin's blue irises...

"Excellent. You found everything okay I hope?"

"Yeah, I found a really neat looking flower and was about to pick it, but then I saw it had thorns and decided not to."

Gaius smiled. "You'd better get back to Arthur. He was wondering where you were today. He said something about there being another trial and not wanting to have to suffer through it..."

Merlin sighed, the corners of his mouth turning downwards. "I hate those trials. Most of those people are completely innocent; a lot of them don't even have magic."

"I know, but we'll just have to wait it out."

* * *

"Something is going wrong," hissed Noxic. The quarter moon's light melted down in the clearing like liquid silver. "Something is not right. Emrys should be within our grasp by now. We were so close before, so very close..."

"He is stronger than we knew," said a woman with only half a face.

"But not strong enough. Nobody can resist the pull; nobody can extinguish the nightmares completely... Soon enough, he will join our cause. Soon enough..."


	6. The Discovery

_Morgana saw the boy while she was riding her horse. Seeing a figure alone among the trees sparked her interest, so she crept closer. Morgana watched as Merlin cupped the delicate blue rose in his hand. He glanced around, and then whispered a quiet gentle phrase. Butterflies floated out of his palms. Merlin smiled blissfully as they floated around him in swirls of blue._

_ "How dare you," Morgana whispered. The boy turned around, frightened at the malice in her voice. Merlin backed away._

_ "I- I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."_

_ "You have magic? Why didn't you tell me?"_

_ "I... I..."_

_ "No," she snapped. "You will pay for what you have done." Morgana raised a slender hand but before she could utter any words, Merlin's eyes glowed gold and Morgana was unable to move._

_ "I-I-I'm sorry."_

* * *

"Milady! Milady, you are only dreaming! Lady Morgana! Please! It is only a nightmare!"

Morgana sat up, struggling to quiet her screams. "Gwen. Gwen, is that you?"

"Yes. It was just another nightmare. I heard you scream and I came as fast as I could."

Morgana touched her wrist for the bracelet Morgause had given her. It had been so long since she'd had a bad dream...

"Lady Morgana?"

"Yes?"

"You were shouting things."

"What was I shouting?"

"I'm not really sure..." Gwen glanced around the room.

Morgana smiled shakily. "Go back to sleep Gwen; I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I could tell Gaius to send Merlin up to give you a sle-"

"No. Just leave. I'm fine now." Morgana watched as her maid servant curtsied slightly and left the room. Morgana lay back down, but her covers felt like ice. She knew she would have to tell Morgause what had happened.

But what exactly _had_ happened?

When she was sure there was no one to overhear, Morgana stood up and walked over to her mirror.

"Sister," whispered Morgana. "I need to speak with you."

A few minutes passed before it was not her reflection staring back at her, but the face of the woman who had taught her so much about herself and about magic. It looked like Morgause was using a pool of water to communicate because frost was etched on the border of her mirror.

"I... I... I had a dream, well a nightmare I suppose. Merlin was using magic."

"The boy?" Morgause snorted. "Are you sure?" Morgana nodded. "And are you still wearing that bracelet I gave you?"

"Yes. This is the first bad dream I've had for a long time. He turned a flower into a butterfly, and when he saw me, he froze me. I couldn't move or anything."

Morgause rubbed her temples. "I presume that you had a vision from an outside source. There must be something or someone trying to communicate with you, trying to tell you about the boy's magic. Although I can hardly believe that a weakling like that can possibly possess magic. _Merlin_," Morgause repeated, shaking her head. "The enchantment on that bracelet should protect you from all but the most powerful of visions."

"Does this mean it's true? Does this mean it'll happen?!" Morgana's voice was growing erratic.

"Not necessarily. But it does contain some truth."

"I can't believe he actually has magic," muttered Morgana, fingering a lock of her black hair. She had trusted Merlin with her secret, and Merlin could have helped her, could have supported her. But he hadn't done anything.

A surge of hatred flowed through Morgana. "He must pay," Morgause said softly with a sadistic smirk.

"But we cannot kill him yet. That would be too kind, far too kind." Morgana frowned, searching her mind for a way to hurt Merlin. _That fool, _she thought, _that bumbling, stupid, lying_-

"Is there anyone he is close to? A family member perhaps?" asked Morgause.

"His mother. She lives in a small village just outside of Camelot."

"Perfect. All we have to do is kill her and-"

"No. We must do more than that. I want to make Merlin suffer."

"What are you thinking?"

Morgana smiled.

* * *

"Oh Merlin," came a female drawl from the end of the corridor.

"What?"

"I would like to tell you something." Morgana's right hand was behind her back.

"Can it wait until later? I'm sort of busy, I have to polish-"

"No, I would like to tell you now," Morgana giggled. With her left hand, she pulled Merlin into an empty room.

Assuming she was drunk, Merlin faced her sighing. "What is it Morgana? If you don't mind I-"

"I do mind actually," she hissed, withdrawing the dagger from behind her back and pressing it against Merlin's throat, any pretence of smiling gone. "I know your secret."

Merlin froze.

"I know you have magic. I know you've kept it hidden from all of us this whole time. I know you've lied to every single person in Camelot. I know your magic is pathetically weak. But most of all, I know there's nothing you can do to stop me from killing you right here, right now." She licked her lips. "But that would be too generous. I want you to feel pain. And death is too quick, too sudden, for my liking. I've done something else."

"What have you done?"

"As we speak Morgause is in Ealdor. And do you know what she's doing?"

A rush of pure terror flooded Merlin.

Morgana leaned close enough to kiss him. "She's going to kill." Merlin wrenched his wrist out of Morgana's grasp. Distantly he heard her shriek as her dress erupted in flames.

Merlin hurried down to the ground level of the castle, doors bursting magically open every time he neared one. He wasn't even sure what emotions he was feeling. All he knew was that he had to go to Ealdor. He had to find Morgause.

Merlin winced, and pressed his palms against the sides of his head. An aching pain throbbed somewhere behind his eyes.

"Merlin? Are you feeling okay?" A hand touched Merlin's shoulder. Merlin looked up, eyes turning gold for a half second. Gwen took a step back, frowning.

"I have to go to Ealdor."

"Okay," Gwen cautioned. "What's going on?"

"My mother... _that witch is going to kill my mother_!"

"Merlin, be quiet, someone might hear-" Gwen stopped talking and turned around at the approaching footsteps. "Okay, Merlin I..." Gwen trailed off, staring at the spot where Merlin had been standing mere _seconds_ before. "Merlin?" Gwen frowned and peered down the brightly lit corridor. "Merlin?"

* * *

Four decaying sorcerers hid in the ruins of a crumbling old castle that was near Ealdor. They all were nervous. Besides Noxic, none of them had even seen Emrys. All they knew about him came from the ancient Druidic prophecies of the most powerful warlock to ever live, capable of extinguishing the very sun and levelling entire mountains...

And soon, according to Noxic, they would see him...

* * *

Merlin paced back and forth in the brightly lit clearing while waiting for Kilgharrah to arrive. He twisted his hands anxiously. Merlin knew the great dragon would be reluctant to fly him over to Ealdor, but he knew Kilgharrah would have to do anything Merlin asked.

A whooshing sound made Merlin halt in his footsteps and glance up. The golden dragon almost looked like he hesitated before descending to the ground.

"What is troubling you, young warlock?"

"Ealdor," Merlin breathed. "Morgause is going to burn Ealdor." Merlin stood completely still and his face was deathly calm.

"You must be careful," Kilgharrah cautioned.

"Careful of what? Morgana will be there by now. They're going to burn Ealdor. I have to stop them." Merlin's right eye twitched slightly.

"They might kill you."

"I'd like to see them try."

"Against both of them? I fear it is not likely you would prevail," said Kilgharrah. The dragon's eyes glanced slightly to his left.

"Why not?" A twinge of emotion shadowed Merlin's face: anger. "They have my mother."

"It is more important that you fulfil your destiny than-"

"My destiny? _My destiny?!_ Why didn't you tell me about the other part?!" Merlin shouted. "You've been lying to me, telling me all these years that I will help Arthur become a great King!" Merlin rubbed his nose, glancing down at his feet. "Why? Why didn't you tell me that I..." Merlin turned around so his back was facing Kilgharrah.

"I... Merlin..." For the first time, Kilgharrah seemed at a loss for words.

"Why? WHY?!" Merlin whirled around, his face nearly unrecognizable. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

The glittering golden dragon didn't answer. Merlin swore.

"_Those filthy witches!_" Merlin screamed. A tree behind him erupted into flames. "You will take me there right now."

"Merlin, you know that I only want what's best for you. I fear that this is not-"

"I don't care." Merlin breathed heavily, struggling to control his emotions. His eyelids closed. The flaming tree was extinguished. Merlin whispered the words he knew would force the dragon to obey him. Kilgharrah reluctantly knelt down so Merlin could climb on his back. Merlin scrambled on the dragon, narrowing his eyes as he peered around. Satisfied he didn't see a pair of smirking red eyes smiling at him from behind the trees, he nodded at Kilgharrah.

They left Camelot, both of them dreading what was waiting for Merlin in Ealdor.


	7. The Village

Although Merlin didn't notice it, Kilgharrah saw a group of four men near a crumbling stone castle within view of Ealdor. The dragon left Merlin a few kilometres from the village before circling down to them curiously.

The four of them stared up fearfully before hastily kneeling at his feet.

"Oh great Dragon," murmured one of the sorcerers. His only arm was blackened and the rotten yellow bone was clearly seen beneath the remaining flesh.

"I know what you are planning," said Kilgharrah with a slight tremble in his voice. "Stop it. You have no idea what the resulting consequences will be."

"But we do Great One," said Noxic. "You will be benefitted as well. Everyone will become free once more."

"No. No one will be helped. You presume that once you've changed Merlin, you will be able to control him. He will not listen to you."

"Of course he will," scoffed one of the men. He glanced up, then down, appearing frightened of his brash words. His mouth opened, hesitating for a moment on whether or not he wanted to continue his sentence, then decided against it.

"With his mother dead," Noxic continued. "He will have no one else to turn to, no one else who will be able to sympathize with the pain he went through. Emrys will come to us."

"You are wrong," hissed Kilgharrah. "I have seen him. If his mother does die, Merlin will spiral down in sadness and pain. He won't see sense. She is one of the few people who care for him. If she dies, he will seek out revenge on those who wronged him. The boy is not stupid; he will discover it was you who were responsible for her death."

"I feel reluctant to argue, but the boy is naive and soft-hearted," Noxic said politely dubiously. "I too have seen him and spoken to him. He will be upset, and then we can manipulate his mind. We will transform his grief to anger, and then his anger to revenge. After he has killed those two witches, a hollowness will be left. And that is why he will be easy to control."

"You are wrong. Killing his mother might send Merlin over the edge in a place where even I might not be able to bring him back."

"I will repeat myself," said Noxic slightly wearily. "The boy is young and gentle. The pain and anger will feel unfamiliar to him. He will feel empty afterwards and regret his actions. It will be child's play to convince him to join us, and then we will use him."

"Merlin will not be used," snarled Kilgharrah, lashing his tail. The dragon growled and took a threatening step forward, forcing the sorcerers to stumble back. "Merlin would become powerful, yes, but at an awful price. He would sink even further into dark magic than you are."

"And that is our goal. With a deadly warlock on our side, who will dare try to oppose us once we bring magic back to the land?" said one of the men.

"This is not the way things are meant to be. There must be balance. Magic cannot be forced upon the people. Merlin must help and protect the Once and Future King-"

"That is not his only destiny," Noxic said softly. He looked up at the dragon and smiled. "He has another, as I know you are very well aware of. And soon, the power of Emrys will be in the palms of our hands."

* * *

Merlin glanced up at Kilgharrah's slowly decreasing body frowning slightly. Why hadn't Kilgharrah listened to him? His village was going to be burned and his mother might be killed. Why couldn't the dragon see that Merlin _needed_ to return to Ealdor? Why couldn't Kilgharrah see that Merlin _had_ to stop Morgause, no matter what it took?

Merlin began to walk the direction he knew Ealdor laid. Similarly to when he had spoken with Kilgharrah, an awful, detached calm settled over him. Recently he seemed to feel like there was a morbid monster lying in wait inside of him, counting down to the opportunity it could rise up and...

By denying his anger, Merlin could remain emotionless. The fact that he had physically and probably emotionally hurt Gaius still pained Merlin. And when he had spoken with Kilgharrah, he had used magic _again_ without the intention. It was lucky for him that it wasn't towards the dragon in any way; otherwise Kilgharrah would probably refuse to help him willingly ever again...

_Morgause. Morgana. You must find them,_ a voice whispered. _Find them. Find them and kill them._

_No,_ Merlin thought, reeling away from the idea. He halted suddenly, thinking. What _was_ he planning on doing actually? Somehow the thought of _killing_ Morgause and Morgana just didn't feel right...

_They've taken your village. Your mother. And you will let them live?_

Still unsure, Merlin began to run.

When Merlin arrived in the village, all that was left were smouldering houses and charred corpses. He sunk down to his knees, suddenly very weak. Merlin stared at the destruction hopelessly. It was too late to save anybody. He couldn't see Morgause or Morgana anywhere. Merlin wasn't sure how he would react if he did see them.

* * *

"_Stop this you fools_," Kilgharrah hissed, clawing at the ground.

"We respect your kind dearly, but I simply disagree."

The glittering golden dragon roared at the sky. He breathed fire at the four sorcerers but it simply streamed past them harmlessly with a murmured word from the man with only one arm.

* * *

A soft moan reached Merlin's ears. Glancing up, he saw a woman. What was left of her body was blackened and burned. Merlin slowly rose and walked over to her.

"Mother," whispered Merlin. He knelt down to cradle her head in his lap. Tears streamed down his face. He hugged her soot blackened body. His mother didn't appear to have noticed him. Her once wide, caring eyes simply stared past him blankly. "Don't leave me," Merlin pleaded softly. "Please. Mother. Please stay with me. Don't leave me here. Don't leave me here... I need you..."

* * *

"It's too late for you, Great Dragon," said Noxic. "He's found his mother. I can feel it."

"No," whispered Kilgharrah. He leaped up to reach Merlin.

The four men raised their hands in unison, and suddenly Kilgharrah could no longer move. "We regret having to do this," said a man whose features were so distorted by his decomposing face that he hardly had a mouth anymore. "But it is necessary."

Kilgharrah snarled, never remembering feeling so helpless before...

* * *

"Mother, please... Please don't leave me." The quiet, hurt voice almost touched something inside Morgana. When she looked at Merlin sobbing helplessly over the body of his mother, he didn't seem like a lying sorcerer, but just a young boy. She almost stepped out to help him, nearly removing her spell of invisibility, but the fury she held with Merlin's lies held her back. Morgana narrowed her eyes. She gazed off into the blue sky, envisioning his charred black body being buried after being burned at the stake in Camelot...

"Morgana," a voice hissed in front of her, startling her out of her fantasies. Merlin stood right in front of her, staring straight into her green eyes.

"How...?" Merlin's eyes only narrowed. "Morgause!" hollered Morgana, feeling her heart quicken slightly. Her sister had assured her that none but the most skilled in magic would see through her spell. The invisible blonde woman strode over, hesitating when she saw Merlin glowering straight at Morgana.

"Ah, and here is Morgause," Merlin said with a faint smirk. This was not the boy Morgana had seen mere minutes ago, blubbering at the sight of his dead mother. This was someone else.

Without uttering a word, Merlin's eyes burned gold and Morgana and Morgause were completely visible beneath the sunny sky.

"That's... not possible..."

Seething with fury, Merlin's eyes turned gold again. Morgause and Morgana writhed and shrieked in agony, falling to the hard dirt ground. Neither of them were able to form a coherent thought, only the desire for the pain to stop. It was as if knives, freezing to the point they burned, tore into every centimetre of their skin...

The face that looked down on them was a stranger's.


	8. The Choice

Noxic's lips twitched upward in satisfaction.

"Please... I'm begging you... Let me go," said the dragon. He no longer struggled or breathed fire or snarled. Instead he sat immovable because of the magic preventing him from springing to Merlin's aid. He stared at the four men. "Let me go."

"We are so close," whispered the man without an arm. "So very close..."

* * *

The screams of the two women formed a wondrous symphony. Merlin couldn't help but laugh in the giddiness that he felt listening to them. He was going to torture them until they turned mad, unable to ever form a complete thought ever again. They would be empty shells, unable to live their lives, follow their dreams, but remain in a dungeon locked from their very own thoughts...

Merlin released his grip on Morgana's and Morgause's minds. They became motionless; gasping for breath. The beauty of his method of torture was that none of it was actually physical, so there was no risk of his victims dying before he was finished.

Merlin laughed. "Oh, we're not done quite yet," he hissed. Merlin raised his hand, and the torture resumed...

_A dark-haired man stood over a young woman. Her lavender dress was soiled with sweat and grime. She shrieked and thrashed on the ground. Her normally dark brown skin was pale, and her normally deep brown eyes were insane with pain. "Stop!" she cried. "STOP!"_

Merlin's hand fell back to his side, horrified. "Gwen?" he gasped.

Morgana and Morgause gasped for breath. Merlin stared at them, frightened of himself. No one deserved the pain he was inflicting on them – not even the two who...

_Killed my mother._

Merlin faltered. He took several unsteady steps back, still staring at Morgana and Morgause. They weren't Gwen, he told himself; they were witches... not Gwen... not Gwen...

But what if they were? It could easily be Gwen's life he held in the palm of his hand.

These were the people who burned his village and killed so many innocent people – even children. They didn't deserve to live.

Did they deserve to live? Was it up to Merlin to decide who lives and who dies? Was it up to him to make the choice?

He hadn't killed them yet. He was _torturing_ them. Merlin was revealing in the fact that he controlled their pain, that he was the one who made the choice to hurt them. But he shouldn't be. He was abusing his magic by taking revenge on those who wronged him. He was behaving like very people who he was trying to stop.

_But they deserve this. They killed your mother!_

Merlin took more wavering steps back. He had to leave; he had to go home. Merlin shouldn't be here.

He whirled around and ran away from the two women limp with pain, tears leaking from his eyes.

* * *

Noxic winced. He nodded to his men to let the golden dragon go. Kilgharrah swiftly soared away without looking back, feeling like a coward.

"He has resisted. He was halfway there; ready to jump into the abyss. But he resisted."

"We must try again," said the man with no arm.

"I fear that Emrys is too stubborn to listen to his destiny. We may have to simply give up..."

"No," Noxic snapped. "We must not give up. We were closer than ever before. We will prevail."

* * *

"Gaius, I... I just don't know what came over me."

"The important thing is that you stopped yourself."

"I know, but I almost didn't. I almost killed them out of revenge. I almost... lost myself."

Late evening sunshine streamed through the open window. Gaius pretended to rummage through his various antidotes and herbs while listening carefully to Merlin's story. He was shocked the kind young man would do such a thing, but if Merlin saw his emotions, then Merlin would feel even more distressed.

Gaius had known the boy had been performing magic without meaning to recently and had had difficulty restraining his emotions, but he hadn't realised just how close Merlin was to snapping. He knew the wide-eyed warlock would never hurt anyone on purpose, but deep down he just couldn't help but wonder...

Still the feeling that Merlin wasn't telling him everything clouded Gaius's mind. Something in the way Merlin's eyes would glance to the left rapidly, or the way he was rubbing his neck made Merlin seem like he was hiding something. Whatever it was, it was obviously something that made Merlin feel uneasy, and Gaius didn't want to force him to speak about it if he didn't want to.

"It's good you're back," said Gaius. "Arthur has been demanding to know-"

"Did you tell him I was in the tavern?"

"Well..."

"Gaius!" Merlin moaned.

* * *

"Rise and shine," Merlin said cheerfully, opening Arthur's curtains to let golden bars of brilliant light into the dark room. "Up you get sleepy head."

Narrowly avoiding the pillow Arthur threw, Merlin darted out of the room to fetch the prince's breakfast.

"Hello Gwen," said Merlin.

"Hi Merlin,"

"How was your ride with Arthur?"

Gwen twisted a lock of black hair around her finger and smiled. "It was very nice."

"It's amazing that anyone can call that clot pole _nice_." Merlin darted down the stairs to the kitchens. A man with red eyes and tattered grey robes was waiting for him at the end of the hall. Merlin spun around to see if Noxic was within Gwen's sight. Satisfied he wasn't, Merlin scowled at the man.

"What is it this time?"

"Did you enjoy yourself yesterday?"

"How do you...?"

"Oh yes, I know perfectly well what you did. Torturing two women like that doesn't go unnoticed to those of us sensitive to the emotions of the darkness. And yesterday, the darkness was ecstatic."

"No..." Merlin shook his head and continued walking forward to the kitchens. "No... I stopped. I let them live."

"Barely."

"I let them live! They are sane and alive thanks to me!" Merlin snarled.

"Sane? Are you sure?"

Merlin hesitated. He wasn't sure how he would feel if Morgana or Morgause was now crazy. _They're already crazy,_ he told himself. _And nothing I did changed anything._

_I didn't change anything... Right?_

Merlin whirled around to run back in the direction he came. "Gwen?" he called. "Gwen?!"

"Merlin? What is it?"

"Is Morgana back yet?"

"No, I haven't seen her since yesterday morning. There are search parties out looking for her; I thought you knew."

"Oh no," Merlin whispered, clutching his head. If Morgana returned, she would instantly tell the king he had tortured her. If she didn't return...

Everything would be alright...

"Merlin? Is something wrong?" Gwen asked, concerned.

"No, nothing. Just worried, that's all." The lie came to him easily. "I hope she returns safely."

"Me too," Gwen said, biting her lip. "Me too..."


	9. The Threat

Merlin didn't call the dragon this time. He didn't want Kilgharrah to know what he planned to do. He didn't want _anyone_ to ever know what he planned to do.

Merlin had never before set out with the intention of ever killing anybody. Sure, he had killed people before, but that had never been his purpose. He only wanted to protect those he cared for. He only wanted to help Arthur stay alive.

But now he had to make sure no one found out about his magic. If Morgana returned to Camelot and told Uther his beloved ward had been tortured and nearly murdered by a manservant, Merlin would be killed in an instant. If Arthur discovered what his best friend had done, he would never trust Merlin or magic ever again, and Merlin's destiny would be ruined.

_Not necessarily._

Merlin shook his head.

He was going to teleport to Ealdor. Merlin silently berated himself that he hadn't thought of it before. Merlin could have saved a lot of time and maybe, just maybe, he might've been able to save his mother...

Tears leaked out of Merlin's eyes. He rubbed them away angrily. Now wasn't the time to mourn her.

Now was the time to kill Morgana.

* * *

Inside the boundaries of Camelot, a man with blond hair pressed a knife against a knight's throat. "My children were murdered," he hissed, "all because of that filthy sorceress."

The young knight, helpless without his sword, backed against a cottage. "I... I don't know what you're talking about..."

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about," the man snapped, shaking his hair out of his brown eyes. Small drops of blood formed around the knife. The soldier's shaking hands groped for something behind him to use as a weapon. His hands touched a worn wooden handle of some sort of tool. He curled his trembling fingers around it.

"I don't know."

"Yes you do!" More blood trickled down the knight's neck. Gripping the tool tightly, the knight swung the small spade against the man's face. He gasped and stumbled backwards, clutching his bleeding nose.

The knight hurried to the right several metres to pick up his sword. He winced and told himself he would never sneak away from patrol for a visit in the tavern ever again.

Glowering, the man raised his right hand and shouted a strange phrase of words the knight didn't recognize. A bolt of lightning materialised in his hands and shot out towards the young knight. He cried out in pain and fell to the ground, stunned.

Someone behind him grabbed both his arms and twisted them around his back. Another person placed a sword against his throat so he couldn't move.

"Let me go!" the blond man snarled. "I'll kill you!"

"There are no less than a score of Camelot knights standing behind you," said a voice in the man's ear. "Come with us willingly and you won't get hurt."

The man sighed. He stood no chance against twenty soldiers. He allowed himself to be led away towards the castle.

* * *

Merlin glanced around to make sure no one else was on the path. He steadied himself and whispered the phrase he knew would transport him anywhere he thought of. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut. He had never used the teleportation spell before because Gaius had told him it was tricky and extremely easy to get wrong. Naturally, that had only made Merlin want to try it, but Gaius's warnings about separated body parts in the two locations made Merlin shudder. He didn't want to think about how Arthur would react when he found out that his manservant's head and legs were lying around in a corridor.

There was no flash of colour. No whirling or whooshing sound. No sudden dizziness. The only difference was in the air. Merlin smelled burnt wood and dead bodies. He opened his eyes and saw that the spell had worked perfectly. He had simply disappeared in one place and reappeared in another. Trembling, Merlin walked forwards to the place he had left Morgana and Morgause, half hoping they weren't there.

They were there. There was nothing visibly wrong with them, besides the fact they were unconscious. There was no blood, no bruises, no scrapes or cuts. They didn't look starved or tortured. Merlin knelt down and placed his hand on Morgana's shoulder, shaking her slightly. She didn't stir. Merlin checked her wrist for a pulse. It was extremely weak and slow, but it was there.

Merlin sat back on his heels, shivering. He couldn't kill them in cold blood. For some reason, he had pictured Morgana and Morgause as awake and alert, ready to defend themselves; not laying unconscious on the blackened ground. It would be so _easy_. All he had to do was use magic to stop their hearts. No one would know it was him. No one would know it was Merlin that ended their lives. No one would know it was Merlin who murdered the king's ward.

Merlin rubbed his eyes. He had no choice.

_But you do. There's always a choice._

Maybe he could modify their memories. But the modification of memories only worked permanently on the weak minded. On Morgana and Morgause, it might last a maximum of a few weeks, and in the end nothing would be solved.

He just couldn't do it. Merlin just couldn't kill them like this.

Merlin knelt down next to the witch and revived her mind and senses, but not her body. Morgana would be able to hear and understand him, but not use magic against him.

"Tell anyone I have magic and you will pay," he whispered. "You know what I can do to you. You know there are things in this world worse than death. No dungeon can keep me locked up. If you tell Uther, I will come after you and you will regret the day you were born." Merlin stood up, trembling.

He felt like a monster.

_She killed your mother._

_ I know._

_ You're just going to walk away? They don't deserve to live._

Merlin turned around, closed his eyes, and performed the teleportation spell. He wasn't going to kill them. He wasn't going to lose himself.

He had a destiny to fufill.


	10. The Escape

"Morgana has been found."

"Okay."

Gaius gave Merlin a long hard look across the table. Merlin stirred the porridge around in his bowl slowly, staring into its depths as if he wanted to disappear.

"She says that an evil sorcerer kidnapped her and forced her to watch as he burned the village, and that he tortured her until she almost went mad."

Merlin stabbed his food with his spoon. "Okay."

"She's recovering in her room right now. I'm fairly sure she'll recover."

"Okay."

"You didn't kill her."

"Are you happy?"

"Merlin, I believe you did the right thing, and – I don't say this very often – but I'm proud of you."

Still sullen, Merlin glanced up. "I threatened to torture her again if she tells Uther."

"Did you mean it?"

Merlin glanced out the window. It was brightly sunny, and the warmth that streamed through the open window caressed his pale skin. Golden rays of early morning sunshine wafted in with the various noises of Camelot: horses whining, children shouting, merchants proclaiming how incredibly amazing their products were. It was all so painfully normal, so excruciatingly average. People went about their lives oblivious of the darkness creeping over the land.

"I'm not sure."

* * *

When he was finished with polishing Arthur's armour, Merlin crept to Morgana's room. Gwen was replacing wilted flowers with fresh ones.

"Hello Merlin," she said quietly. Gwen had shadows under her eyes.

"How is she?"

"She was awake last night and told Gaius what happened. I feel so sorry for her." Gwen looked at her sleeping mistress tenderly.

Merlin's eyes narrowed.

"Yes, it must've been awful. Gaius told me about how she nearly went insane," said Merlin.

"I know. Only a cruel, evil person could have done such a thing."

"I have to go muck out the stables for his royal pratness," Merlin said suddenly.

"Oh. I hope you don't fall in the manure this time."

Merlin's grin didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, me too." Merlin glanced at Morgana's helpless face one more time before leaving. He leaned against a wall shakily.

How could he have done such a thing? It went against everything he believed in. Morgana wasn't an inherently evil person – no one was. She had only been led astray by Morgause, who was twisted by her desire for revenge. But even revenge itself wasn't evil. It was the need for those who had been wronged to get justice. And Morgause had a legitimate reason for feeling betrayed. Uther had killed hundreds – if not thousands – of her people. She believed that he didn't deserve to be king. In a way, Morgause was right. Uther was too corrupted by his hatred of magic to lead his people properly.

It was the _actions_ people committed that were evil. Even the sorcerers who practised dark magic weren't evil. Their minds had simply been altered until their thoughts were no longer their own.

Ashamed of himself for making Morgana suffer so much, Merlin stared at the ground as he walked towards the stables.

_She killed your mother._

_ I know._

_ She doesn't deserve to live_

_ That's not my place to decide._

_ You're Emrys! If there's anyone who makes life and death choices, it's you._

_ No._

He focused on the birds singing outside of the castle. They weren't exactly singing; it was more like they were screaming.

Merlin walked to the horses' stables, dreading the copious amounts of... stuff... he would have to clean.

* * *

"Yes, I admit to using magic, and no, I don't regret it," the blond man who called himself Esplin said boldly.

Though he knew Merlin hated them, Arthur always forced Merlin to suffer through the trials with him. It pained Merlin to see so many innocent men and woman sentenced to death. As he stood next to Gaius with his hands clasped behind his back, he always wished there was something he could do to save them.

This man was different.

"That filthy witch murdered my children," Esplin said calmly, staring straight into Morgana's eyes. She winced and glanced down. To anyone else, it would've looked like Morgana was hurt that someone thought she had hurt someone, but Merlin knew she was afraid of being caught.

"Morgana is not a witch. For using sorcery and committing treason against Camelot, you are sentenced to death. You will burn at the stake at dawn tomorrow." Merlin glanced out the window. It was late afternoon. Esplin had less than 24 hours to live. As if reading his thoughts, the blond man looked out the window and shivered.

* * *

The physician's creaky door woke Merlin in the middle of the night. Merlin sat up in bed and glanced around his room, disorientated. A few seconds later, he realised he was in the same bedroom he had been sleeping in for a few years. He hastily stood up and crept to his door to discover what was going on. He opened the door and walked towards the drowsy Gaius.

"The prisoner Esplin has escaped," said a soldier, giving Merlin a quick glance.

"Why are you telling me?" Gaius sounded like he wasn't trying to be rude, but failed. He rubbed his eyes.

"Two guards were killed and six were injured badly."

"How badly?"

Eight men on stretchers were carried into the room. The men who died had skin that was scalded and raw, looking like they had been burned to death. The other six had minor to moderate burns, and bruises all over their bodies. Merlin shivered.

"Has the king been told?"

"Yes. He's furious. King Uther said that sorcery must've been used, and to bring the men to you."

"Yes," Gaius muttered, bending over them. The man's blue eyes were glassy and stared up at the ceiling. Gaius straightened up and looked at Merlin a second longer than was necessary. There was an emotion behind his eyes that Merlin couldn't quite place his finger on. It almost seemed like he was asking Merlin a question.

"It looked like someone from the outside helped the man escape. There were scorch marks all over the walls and the cage bars were turned to dust."

Gaius hurried around his many shelves of glass bottles and containers, struggling to find the right ones. The conscious knights left the physician's chambers.

"Merlin, where did you go last night?"

"How do you mean?"

"I heard you leave a few hours after you went to bed. You were very quiet, but I heard the door open and close."

"I... I don't know what you're talking about," Merlin said, searching his mind for his memories of last night. All he could recall was blackness. Merlin shrugged. "I dunno. I must've been sleepwalking or something. I didn't have a dream or anything."

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you don't remember?"

"I'm sure..." A thought occurred to Merlin. "Hey, you don't think that was me did you?"

The physician resumed his search for the correct herbs in his cupboard. "I didn't say I did. But I heard you leave and I know you were upset about Emae that last time..."

"I wouldn't help that man escape!" said Merlin shakily. "I wouldn't kill or hurt the soldiers!"

"I was just making sure, Merlin," said Gaius cautiously. "We're nearly out of Elderberries... can you gather some tomorrow? Well, in a few hours actually."

"Yeah," Merlin mused, walking back to his bedroom. He yawned.

"Merlin? Don't go to sleep just yet, I'm going to need your – "

"Help me," one of the injured men gasped, clutching Gaius's arm tightly. His eyes were rolling and he was drooling slightly. "He's going to kill me..."

"I'll do anything I can," Gaius said comfortingly, glancing at Merlin's closed door.

"You don't understand," the man rasped. "He's going to kill all of us. We're... going... to... die..." With a rattled breath, the man's eyes rolled up in his head and he fell unconscious.


	11. The Creation

"Do you know if sorcery was used?" Uther asked Gaius while assessing the various wounds the men had received. One more of them had died in the night. Five men were left. Five men taking shallow rattling breaths, five men whose very flesh was peeling away, five men black and blue with bruises.

"I am certain of it."

"Did they wake and tell you anything?"

"Yes. Three of them woke up in the night, ranting in fear about someone coming to kill all of us, but I assure you Sire, they are not in their right minds."

"But there must be some truth in their words."

"From what I've pieced together, it seems that a man in a long dark cloak appeared and conjured flames to burn them alive. Then, using magic, he threw them against the wall until most of them fell unconscious. After that, I presume that he burned the last two men until they were killed. From there it looks like the sorcerer transformed the metal bars of the cage to dust and escaped with Esplin."

"This man must be caught immediately."

"Of course. But someone who did all that will certainly be difficult to find and even more so to captured."

"All the same, I want him found."

"Yes Sire."

* * *

"Rise and shine sleepyhead!"

"Merlin!" moaned Arthur, throwing a pillow at Merlin, who barely managed to catch it in time.

"Come on lazy daisy, we've got a big day ahead of us," Merlin said cheerfully. Arthur winced and shielded his eyes at the bright sunlight streaming through his window.

The thought of killing Arthur right then and there crossed Merlin's mind. It would be so easy. All it took was a flash of gold and Arthur would never move again.

Merlin shook his head, wincing. "I'll go get your breakfast. Although – "

"Yes, yes," Arthur said wearily, sitting up. "I know how fat I am, Merlin, you don't need to remind me again."

"Alright. Just making sure."

* * *

"I hate these hunting trips."

"Shut up Merlin, and hurry up with the horse will you?"

Merlin sighed and continued saddling Arthur's reluctant horse. No matter how many times he protested, no matter how much he complained, Arthur still dragged him along on every single hunting trip. He had seen so many innocent little animals murdered by Arthur and his knights that it made him sick. Images of dead animals sometimes flashed before his eyes while he tried to sleep, their wide blank eyes staring at him, asking why he didn't save them, why he did nothing.

"You idiot, hurry up already," said Arthur. "A competent servant wouldn't take such an awfully long time."

"If we hadn't wasted so much time trying to get you dressed this morning, we would've been here earlier. Admit it Arthur, you're clothes seem to be getting a bit small for you."

A knight snorted.

"Finished," said Merlin, rubbing the mare's neck. She tossed her head and shied away from him. "What's wrong?" She neighed in protest when he stepped closer, eyes wide with fear. The horse trotted in place nervously.

"It's probably because you smell so bad. When's the last time you've taken a bath, Merlin?" Arthur said.

Unable to think of a retort, Merlin continued staring at the mare. "Uh, what?"

"I said, when's the last time you've taken a bath? You smell worse than the horse."

"At least _I'm_ not the size of one."

While Arthur chuckled in spite of himself, the horse edged away from Merlin, still staring at him with wide, fearful eyes.

* * *

While Arthur and the knights gathered around the small campfire, Merlin collected firewood in the late evening light. A small rat scampered away from his loud footsteps, but not before Merlin managed to freeze it in its tracks with magic. The rat squirmed and thrashed against the invisible bonds that rendered it immovable. Merlin placed his armful of branches down on the ground and knelt next to the animal. The rat squealed in terror as Merlin reached out a hand to stroke its back. He knew it was foolish and dangerous to use magic so close to the prince and his men, but a simple animalistic desire overwhelmed Merlin.

While Merlin whispered a complex string of phrases, the rat squirmed even more, and then sprouted four more legs. It thrashed in pain as it felt bones and veins shift to accommodate the new limbs. It gave one final shriek before it passed out. Merlin released the animal and straightened up, still staring at the small creature he had just mutated. He felt a morbid longing to change it even further, to manipulate its mind into believing itself a predator, to create spikes along its back and sharp deadly claws on its feet, to release it back into the woods as it killed other rats that were still normal. He wanted to increase its size so that nearby villages would speak of a horrific mutated rat, swelled to the size of a horse, killing livestock and murdering the weak...

Feeling emotionless, Merlin picked up the firewood and strolled back to the crackling campfire, reluctant he would not be able to change the rat that night because the knights would surely notice it.

Merlin suddenly halted, spinning around at the unconscious rat. It was now a mutant, an outcast. Other rats would see its extra legs and treat it differently, treat it badly. The other animals would hate it, and plot to destroy it. The kindest thing Merlin could do was kill it right then and there, so it wouldn't have to suffer. Merlin walked back to his creation and squeezed its neck until blood seeped out between his fingers. The rat twitched feebly, but soon gave up once it ran out of air. Merlin placed the animal back down on the ground, frowning at it in the sunset. Merlin didn't want to bury it; he didn't want to hide his creation. He had made this creature what it was. He couldn't just burry it into the ground, beneath dirt and mud and plant roots. It should be respected.

Merlin turned around, leaving the strangled mutated rat where it lay.

He felt no remorse for the animal he had just killed.


	12. The Happiness

_**Hello, I would just like to thank you for the reviews/alerts/favourites. They really make my day and are a part of what inspires me to continue writing.**_

* * *

Noxic paced back and forth in the forest clearing alone, contemplating his plan. He hadn't expected the boy to mess around with the lives of small animals, but if it sent Merlin further along the path, then so be it. Noxic had felt the twisted glee of Merlin while he mutated the rat, and it sent a small pang of confusion through him. It just didn't seem like something the boy would do just yet. Merlin was goofy. Merlin was happy. Feeling him manipulate the life of the rat just didn't feel quite right. Even a quarter of a kilometre away, there was a strange lack of animals scurrying about the trees and bushes. They had felt the shift in magic, the perverse happiness that had begun to radiate off Merlin. Normal human beings wouldn't be able to feel it, but small, defenceless animals were all too aware of it.

Noxic halted, his grey robes billowing around him in an icy breeze. He gazed up at the quarter moon.

* * *

The sleeping black-haired woman grimaced slightly in her sleep. Morgana inhaled and exhaled slowly, appearing as though she was savouring every breath. Her pale skin had a slight tinge of colour that had not been there earlier. Morgana's ivory hands were clasped together and rested above her torso. King Uther sat on a chair near her bed, struggling not to nod off.

Morgana's eyes opened slowly and carefully, glancing from side to side nervously. She shifted slightly in bed, moving her hands from her waist to by her sides. She gazed at her stone ceiling. It was plain and grey, just as it always was.

"Morgana," said Uther, relieved. "You've woken."

"Uther?" she muttered, playing her facade of the innocent young woman. "I was so scared..."

"It's okay; no one will hurt you anymore, I promise. I'm so glad you're awake again."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"A few days."

"I'm so sorry..."

"Nonsense, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"You've been worrying about me."

Uther stared down at his hands, and then glanced over at the warm, cackling fire. "Of course I have. You are my ward."

"There's something I must tell you."

"What is it?"

Morgana hesitated. She bit her lip and glanced at the stone fireplace. The flames licked the wood greedily, eating away at what had once been a tree. They formed a soothing orange glow around the room, creating an illusion of warmth that contrasted the dim moonlight from outside. Everything in her room was the same as it had always been. Her mirror on the other side of the wall was normal as always, the floor had been swept clean, and every surface gleamed with polish.

Should she tell Uther? Merlin could have killed her easily with a flick of a hand. He had been intent on torturing her until Morgana had gone insane, but he'd stopped.

"I... I missed you."

* * *

Merlin couldn't sleep.

Arthur and his knights had fallen asleep ages ago, but Merlin laid awake, staring at the stars, feeling conflicting emotions arguing in his mind. A soldier had found the rat shortly before everyone laid down. The knights had all been disgusted and disturbed by the sight of an eight-legged, strangled rat. They had all tried guessing what had happened while Merlin silently rebuked himself for not burying the thing. He wanted to do it again. Merlin wanted to change the lives of animals in the forest.

No, he didn't want to. It was messed up. It was wrong. The animals weren't meant to be mutated past recognition...

Merlin finally stood up in a daze, carefully watching the knights to see if they stirred. They all remained asleep.

He walked forward, past the light of the smouldering fire. Merlin walked until he reached a small grove of trees. It was strangely silent, as if someone had turned all the sound off. Only the trees made any noise as the wind brushed its many fingers past them.

_Please don't do it._

A startled deer leapt out of its hiding place and tried to run away. Merlin stopped the stag in mid-leap. It hovered there, staring at him with terrified brown eyes. Merlin stepped close to it, feeling a smile twist his face.

_Merlin, stop._

The deer's antlers began to increase while its hooves disappeared. His tail lengthened and his fur faded to a dull grey. Merlin grinned, feeling like a child playing with clay, free to transform and create anything he wanted. The stag made no noise, but continued staring at Merlin with wide, horrified eyes.

_Merlin... please..._

Merlin frowned. He wanted to hear it scream, he wanted to hear it cry out in pain. Merlin changed and twisted the deer's organs around inside its body until the digestive system was completely unrecognisable. And still the stag remained silent.

Frustrated, Merlin let go of the deer. It collapsed on the ground, unable to support its mutated body.

"Having fun, are we?"

Merlin whirled around, but didn't see the man with the rotten face.

"I..." The unfamiliar feeling of being at a loss of words came over Merlin. His jaw moved, but no sound came out.

"What would Arthur say if he saw you right now?"

"Get away from me," Merlin hissed. He stretched his right hand out in front of him.

"Going to hurt me are you?"

"If you don't get away I will."

"How does it feel, Merlin? How does it feel to hold life and death in your very hands?"

"Get away from me," Merlin repeated. He began to walk back to the others, distantly hearing a chuckle.

_What would Arthur say if he saw you right now?_

_I don't know._

_He would hate you. Look at what you've done, first to that rat, then to the deer._

_No..._

_Do you deny it?_

_No... I... I have my reasons._

_What reasons? You have no reason. _

Merlin stopped walking and glanced up at the quarter moon. He wanted to try his magic on humans. It would be incredibly lightening to watch those he knew suffer as their own body changed and altered outside of their control...

Merlin stumbled back, alarmed. No, he couldn't. They were human beings, with thoughts and hopes and dreams and wishes and fears and loved ones and desires and plans...

He continued to stare up at the moon, horrified with himself. Defenceless animals that had never hurt anyone had been slaughtered. Merlin had just murdered a deer and a rat for no reason other than to watch them suffer.

_The powerful Emrys will have a heart as black as ink and will become clouded by the magic he once held so dear. His eyes will turn red as the blood of those he murdered. Before he is consumed, however, a series of foretold events will occur. A young girl will be sacrificed and innocent men will feel the wrath of Emrys. His very emotions will turn against him while a guilty man evades the fate destiny has in store. During the night, small animals will fall prey to an unseen force – _

Oh no...

Merlin felt something hard collide with the side of his head, and everything faded to darkness...


	13. The Capture

"Kill him now, I say."

"No. Look at him, he matches the description."

"Tall, thin, dark hair? Half the population of Albion fits that so called 'description,'" replied the first voice.

"Yeah, she said we would get paid good money," a third voice said.

"If this is who you all seem to think he is, then I certainly don't want to be around him when he wakes up." There was a murmured agreement from no less than nine men.

Merlin moaned and breathed out heavily, causing all the men to stiffen.

"It's a good thing she gave us those chains that restrict magic," muttered another voice. Merlin opened his eyes blearily. It was daylight. He was lying on the ground near a river where nine men and horses watched him apprehensively. They stared at him with wide, terrified eyes when they saw he was awake.

"What... Where am I?" Merlin asked, sitting up. He noticed a shimmering gold chain wrapped around his wrist. He pulled at it, but it wouldn't come off.

"Are you the one they call Merlin?"

Merlin hesitated before answering. "Y-I mean, no."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not Merlin." The phrase felt strange on Merlin's mouth.

"You hesitated before answering."

"We should take him to her anyway," said one of the men. "If she found out that we had him and then released him... well..."

"I agree," a man said hastily. His blue eyes flickered to the fire, then back to Merlin's face.

"Who are you talking about?" Merlin asked. "Who is 'her'? I'm not Merlin." The men gave Merlin a long hard look, making him feel slightly uncomfortable. "I'm not Merlin..." he muttered again. He pulled at the gold chain around his wrist uneasily. "Let me go."

"We've wasted enough time resting. We must go now."

"Let me go," Merlin repeated.

"Should we give him more of that that thing?"

"I suppose so. We don't want him causing trouble." One of the men took a neckerchief out of his pocket and poured a noxious fluid in it. He held it up to Merlin's nose. Merlin tried holding his breath, but soon succumbed to the need of oxygen. He gagged on the stench. Red spots appeared in front of his vision before his eyes rolled back in his head.

Everything faded to black.

* * *

He was cold.

Icy stone ground was below him and the stench of blood weighed down the air. Merlin's body rested against the stone, his entire right side freezing from the contact. His eyes remained closed for a moment longer; half-hoping it was just a dream. His eyes opened slowly and glanced from side to side. His head rose and he shifted his weight to his hands and knees. Merlin sat in a dungeon, rank with the foul odour of death. The bars of his cell were rusted and dull, but that didn't fool him. He knew that whoever had brought him here would have enchanted his cage with everything he or she had so he couldn't escape. Merlin reached for his magic anyway, but found that although he could grasp it, the magic wouldn't be released. The gold chain still rested against his pale wrist. Merlin moaned and tilted his head back. His left hand pulled at the chain, but nothing happened. He hadn't expected anything would change anyway.

Merlin crept forward and peered between the bars of his cell. There was a hallway with multiple cells identical to the one he was in, but they were all empty, covered with cobwebs and bearing an awful crimson stain. The entire area was dimly lit by a flickering torch.

Merlin could feel his magic bubbling beneath his skin. He winced and held his head in his hands. The overwhelming urge to use magic consumed him, but there was nothing Merlin could do. The gold chain trapped his magic completely. Merlin sighed and leaned against the cold steel bars helplessly. More than ever before, he could feel his power burning inside of him, itching to be used, yearning to be released. He hadn't felt this way since he had tortured Morgana and Morgause...

He sat against the wall furthest from the cold metal bars with his arms wrapped around his knees. He distantly wondered why he wasn't shackled to anything. Merlin placed his head between his knees and tried to take slow, deep breaths.

Light footsteps echoed down the hallway. Merlin's head snapped up and his eyes gazed in fear at the approaching noise.

"Hello Merlin." It was Morgause. Of course it was Morgause. Her face twisted upwards into a cruel smirk. She reached out and fingered the steel bars of the cell. "I see you are finally awake."

"Get away from me," Merlin snarled.

"Foolish peasant." Morgause gripped the metal tighter. "You think you can tell _me_ what to do?"

Merlin's eyes narrowed. His magic boiled beneath his skin, intensifying his anger. He wanted to wipe that smirk off her face, he wanted to hear Morgause shriek in agony, he wanted to feel her fear and terror at what he could do to her...

And this time he wouldn't stop, he wouldn't hesitate. The moment Merlin regained control of his magic, he would kill her.

"As tempting as it is to get rid of you right now, I'm afraid that would be too easy for my liking."

Kill him? _Kill him?_ He would like to see her try.

"I can feel your anger. I know how much you would love to strike me down." Morgause paused. "We are similar, you and I. Very similar."

"I have nothing in common with you."

"I will give you one last chance to join me."

Merlin spat in her face. Morgause gave him a dark look while tightening her grip on the rusty metal. She let go, both of them still glaring at each other. "Morgana told me you were a young, naive boy, unaware of the harsh realities of life. She told me you would do anything to save your friends and family. She said you were completely void of hatred and anger. When I look at you now..." Morgause tilted her head, thoughtfully. "In another life we would have been excellent allies."

Merlin's glare abated slightly as he broke his gaze away. He looked down at his trembling hands. What had been happening to him? He felt the same way – if not worse – when he had killed Nimueh. He wasn't used to this at all. He suddenly felt drained, absolutely exhausted.

"So be it. That was your last chance. Soon you will be on your knees, begging to join me. But that doesn't matter, because I won't let you." Merlin simply gazed up at Morgause hollowly. He wanted to sleep, he just wanted to fade away and think no longer.

Morgause strode away angrily. Merlin stared blankly at the wall to his right, utterly exhausted.


	14. The Knife

Morgana paced back and forth in her room with a frown darkening her features. Morgause had told her what she planned to do with Merlin, but something didn't feel quite right. Whatever had come over Merlin when he tortured the two women had disappeared. According to Gwen, he was back to the grinning servant everyone knew and loved.

In their discussions during the late hours of night through the enchanted mirror, Morgause had laid out her detailed plan for what she would do once her men found Merlin. When she came to Morgana with the news of her success, Morgana had grinned. But now a gnawing doubt ate up her insides. Morgana had once been friends with Merlin, had accompanied him to Ealdor when the village was in danger, but now…

No, she thought, brushing away the recollection. She mustn't think this way. Merlin was selfish and stupid. He had left her in the dark about her magic, making her feel like some sort of monster, and then nearly murdered her with a poisoned water skin.

_But he had no other choice. It was either your life or the entire kingdom._

Morgana scowled and walked over to her window, gazing into the remains of the red sunset. A deep blue encompassed the entire sky while a few bright stars twinkled. The quarter moon radiated deep beams of silver, bathing the courtyard Morgana was viewing in a soft light. Shadows crept behind bushes and trees, creating an almost eerie scene.

* * *

A prince, gazing at the same courtyard, turned to his king.

"But father, you know how difficult it is to come across good servants these days."

"Good servants? Arthur, you never stop complaining about the boy." Uther clasped his hands behind his back as he warmed himself by his fireplace. Arthur rubbed his face wearily.

"Yes, he is the best servant I've ever had, which is why you need to send out a search party." When he and the other knights had woken on the morning of their hunting trip and discovered that Merlin was no longer with them, it had taken most of Arthur's self-control not to panic. He couldn't bear to think of Merlin's prone, lifeless body being devoured by rabid animals…

"Arthur, it is too dangerous. You know there is a deadly sorcerer out in the woods surrounding Camelot, and I won't have you sacrificing your life or the life of my men to find a wayward servant."

"But father – "

"No. And that is final. You may not risk your life for that of a lone peasant."

Arthur angrily turned around and left his father's bedroom, not noticing where he was going in his rage. As a consequence, he ran headlong into a maid. She blushed and murmured a hasty apology, then continued on her way with her arms full of laundry.

It was Leon who'd first noticed Merlin's absence. An offhand remark from Arthur about how it was awfully quiet made Leon glance around for the chatty servant. He pointed out Merlin wasn't with them. At first they brushed it off as him needing to take a pee, but soon when Merlin hadn't returned, they began to panic and frantically search the woods for him.

Needless to say, none of them could find Merlin.

Even though he would never admit it to anyone, Arthur missed Merlin. Something close to a friendship had developed between them. Being an arrogant little prat as a young boy had made others avoid him – besides Morgana that is. She never lost the opportunity to poke fun at him or play games.

But Merlin was… well… _Merlin._ He always seemed to be there when Arthur needed him. Blundering, panicking Merlin always knew the right thing to say.

* * *

Morgana stared at the knife in her hands. She twisted it around thoughtfully, admiring the way the flickering fire created a shimmering light down the length of the blade. She held it up in front of her face, staring at her distorted reflection in the metal.

How easy it would be to quickly stab her father when no one was looking.

It had an elegant beauty about it, really. The long, graceful blade ended in a sharp point that practically sparkled. Its sharp edge was smooth and perfectly uniform without any sort of flaw deterring from the sharpness of the dagger.

_So easy…_

Morgana placed the blade on the table next to her uneasily. Unwanted thoughts plagued her mind. Images of Uther's lifeless body lying prone on the floor, images of Arthur's blood seeping into the floorboards, images of Merlin…

_Merlin._

Images of Merlin sobbing over his dead mother. Images of Merlin's sadness and pain etched clearly on his face. Images of the sudden transformation he underwent, making his face look like a stranger's…

Why was she feeling this way? Morgana never regretted a choice she made. And yet she had turned what had once been her friend into something hell-bent on revenge.

_ I don't care about him. He tried to kill me._

Against the dark wood of the small table, the dagger shone with an ethereal glow. It pleaded to have a victim it could tear apart. The blade wanted to feel flesh fall apart and die.

_He tried to kill me._

Arthur didn't deserve to be king. He didn't even deserve to live. He was a selfish, lying, arrogant prat that strutted about the castle demanding his orders to be carried out no matter the cost.

_You used to be friends._

Morgana winced and held her head in her hands. She didn't want to think any longer. She and Arthur used to be like siblings, always bickering but never angry for long…

Gwen used to be her best friend…

Uther used to be like the father she never had…

But now they were enemies. None of them deserved to live. They all sought to destroy her and her kind. They all wanted her dead. They all hated her.

_You used to be friends._

_ He tried to kill me._

_ He had no other choice._

They all hated her…

…Right?


	15. The Laughter

"Freya," whispered Merlin, reaching out to the dead black-haired girl. The injuries Arthur had caused were gone. Freya was whole. Freya was pure. She wore a long white dress, plain, yet certainly not boring. Her hair cascaded down in graceful ringlets, her skin unmarked and soft, her lovely dark eyes closed and unaware of the young man in front of her. Freya almost looked like she was smiling.

Freya was whole. Freya was pure.

Her long eyelashes fluttered. Merlin leaned in closer. "Freya? Are you... awake?" She slowly opened her eyes, gazing around the sunny green meadow. She sat up, still not looking at Merlin. Her hands gently caressed the soft grass. "Freya?"

Her head snapped up to Merlin. With wide eyes, Freya stood up. "Merlin..." she said. Her face broke into a wide grin. "I... I..."

"It's okay, everything's going to be okay," Merlin muttered, reaching out towards her. They embraced each other, the scent of Freya's hair filling his mind. She smelled like strawberries.

"Merlin, what's wrong?" asked Freya, backing away from him slightly. The yellow rays of sunshine created a golden light around her body. "Why are you... what are you doing?"

"What do you mean? I'm not doing anything." Merlin tried reaching out to her, but Freya backed away.

"You've changed."

"No, I'm the same as always."

"You're different."

"Freya, I don't know what you're talking about."

She shook her head. "I don't want to be around you. You've changed."

"Freya!" Merlin said. "I'm the same as I've always been. Nothing's happened."

"No," she said. She turned away from him, crossing her arms. "Get away from me."

"Freya, please – "

"_Get away from me_," hissed Freya with her back to him. "I don't want to see you again." Merlin reached out, touching her shoulder gently. She slapped his hand away, whirling around to face him. "You let me die! And now you come to see me as a different person."

Hurt, Merlin took several steps back.

"I hate you. I hate what you've become. I never want to see you again Merlin."

* * *

Merlin opened his eyes, startled. The warm green meadow was gone, leaving behind his dank cell. He sat up, feeling sweat pour down his body. He shivered and stood up, pacing back and forth while pulling at the golden chain wrapped around his wrist.

Morgause watched the panicking boy emotionlessly. He halted in his footsteps and turned to look at the witch dimly illuminated by the dull torchlight. Not a word was passed between them, but each could feel the other's hate. Morgause finally broke eye contact, turning away from Merlin. He gritted his teeth and stared at the back of her blonde head, imagining horrific ways to murder the witch. He envisioned blood pouring from empty eye sockets, her face turning blue, her limbs tearing away from her body...

Morgause faced Merlin again. "I know what you're thinking," she said softly. "I can feel it. I know how much you would love to kill me, but you can't. You're magic is restricted and you will remain here until you die."

Magic burned inside of Merlin. He gasped and pressed his hands to each side of his head. He felt as though he were going to explode if the feeling didn't stop. The desire for revenge, for her misery and pain, was so strong that he could hardly think straight. He was going to go mad if this continued for any longer, and the last thing anyone needed was an insane warlock intent on revenge...

He almost chuckled, but then moaned. He was _Merlin_; Arthur's hopeless manservant, the boy who still had trouble distinguishing right from left. He often tripped over his own feet and somehow managed to knock over every item he touched. He was unaccustomed to the level of anger that was currently scorching his insides. His magic wasn't used to this either. Merlin could feel it both weaken and strengthen at the same time, struggling to adapt to the needs of its changing owner.

Merlin smiled. Soon his power would grow to the point of breaking Morgause's golden chain. Soon his magic would consume those he hated. He laughed crazily, practically screaming in his madness. His limbs were trembling, but still he laughed. Morgause raised her right hand and with a flash of gold threw Merlin against the wall. He stood up straight and gazed directly into Morgause's eyes. She shuddered at the look in his eyes, at the wide manic grin that split his face. Morgause left the hallway, unable to stare in the face of insanity any longer.

And still Merlin laughed.

* * *

Uneasily, Morgana lay down to sleep. Her subconscious mind was both fantasising Uther's death and cringing away from the thoughts. She wasn't sure which side was stronger.

Morgana hated her father. He killed and murdered innocents in cold blood. He was evil. He was the enemy.

He was her father.

_He would kill you the second he found out about your magic._

_ No he wouldn't._

_ What do you mean? Have you forgotten all the trials and executions you've witnessed? How would you be any different?_

_ He loves you._

_ Not enough to save your life. He would hate you. _

_ No he wouldn't. He's your father. He's family._

_ Speaking of family, Arthur already hates you. Can you see it? It's that look in his eyes every time he sees you. He would love to have the opportunity to kill you._

Morgana rolled over so she lay on her back, staring at her grey ceiling. She wished she could stop the voices arguing in her head. Ever since she had met Morgause, it was like there were two people constantly bickering in her mind. They both had the same voice, her voice, but there was a subtle difference she couldn't quite place. She knew one had to be right, and one had to be wrong, but the problem was which one? They both _sounded_ right. The voice she had been listening to the most left her feeling angry and bitter most of the time, but that voice was the right one... she thought.

Unless the other voice was right. But the other voice was weak. Foolish. Sentimental. The other voice claimed that love was the most powerful force in the world. The other voice wanted her to let go of her hate and behave the way she was before she had met Morgause. But she couldn't. She just couldn't.

_Uther would never kill you._

_ Yes he would. The moment he found out he would have you executed. He would hate you. You must kill him first. He doesn't deserve to be king._

_ No, you mustn't. He might not be the most just king, but revenge isn't the answer. It never is._

_ This isn't revenge. It's justice._

It was going to be a long night.


	16. The Death

Two young girls with light hair gazed up at an abandoned castle. Majestic turrets that once stood proudly against the sky now wasted away into crumbling heaps of grey bricks. Plants crept up the walls while various woodland animals created their new homes amid the ruins. The younger girl knelt down and picked up a stone. She stood back up, tossing the rock from hand to hand with a frown. Her older sister grabbed the rock away angrily and threw it back. The younger girl pouted and crossed her arms.

The older girl rolled her eyes and gingerly stepped forward, closely followed by her sister. She peered around a wall into a courtyard. A blonde woman stood with her back to them, looking into a shallow basin of water.

"Are you _sure _Emrys is here?" asked the younger sister.

"Of course I'm sure," she snapped. "I saw that witch dragging a body this direction. Come on." They hurried through a doorway. The two girls stared at the three hallways that branched off the corridor.

"Now what?" whined the younger girl.

A slap and a hush from her sibling made her cross her arms sullenly again.

"I think..." muttered the older girl, gazing down the hall on the right. "I think I see stairs at the end..."

"She's coming," hissed her sister, pulling on the sleeve of her dress. "She'll see us!"

Both of them hurried down the hallway with light footsteps, afraid of the blonde woman. The older girl twisted her head around and saw the witch standing in the corridor, facing the hallway opposite the entrance to the courtyard. The girl silently prayed that the woman had poor peripheral vision.

The stairs led down into darkness barely illuminated by a flickering firelight. Having no other choice, the two girls hurried down.

When they reached the bottom, all they heard was complete silence. It looked like they were in a jail. A long hallway stretched in from of them with cells lining both walls. The younger girl whimpered and clung to her sibling, who was equally terrified.

"I'm scared..."

Corners of the cells that were untouched by the torchlight seemed to hold hideous monsters of the underworld. They contained demons with red eyes and long twisted claws and sharp teeth and a ravenous hunger for humans...

"We have to find him. Emrys must be down here somewhere..."

Slowly the two girls started walking forward, peering anxiously in all directions.

"Is that... is that him?"

A body leaned against the wall with its back to them. A gentle humming noise seemed to reassure the older sister as she twisted the rusty lock. It fell apart in her hands easily. The cage door squeaked as she pushed it open and stepped inside. The girl reached out to the body, thinking Emrys might be sleeping, although she couldn't imagine why he hadn't left if the lock was so easy to break. The humming noise increased.

The body fell backwards and it took every ounce of self control the girl had not to shriek. Maggots devoured the remains of a human face.

She hurried backwards, trembling in horror. Her younger sister squeezed her eyes shut and began to cry.

"Shh... it's okay... it's okay..." the older girl murmured in a shaky voice, wrapping her arms around her sibling. "It's okay... it's okay... That's not Emrys. We'll find him, and it'll be okay." They hugged each other, both shivering and crying. "We have to keep looking. We have to help him."

They continued to walk. There was a torch up ahead.

"Emrys," gasped the younger girl, crouching near the bars of the cell. "It's him, it's really him!" A young man with dark hair blankly stared at the wall opposite of him. "Emrys," whispered the girl. "_Emrys."_

He didn't move. He had a strange expression on his face. Was he... smiling?

"Please, Emrys, you must get out of here." The man didn't look like he could hear them. "A grave danger will face Camelot, and soon you might become.._._" The girl looked at her sister. "Why isn't he answering?"

The younger girl's head snapped to her left. "I hear someone. It's _her_."

"Quick, hide."

* * *

A girl with long brown hair stood near a babbling creek. The water cascading over the rocks and stones created a melodious symphony. A gentle wind rustled the red and orange autumn leaves on the trees. She smiled and turned to face Merlin.

"Emae?" Merlin stepped forward. He distantly noticed she wore the same white dress as Freya. "I'm so sorry," he muttered softly.

Emae smiled again at him.

A surge of hatred flooded through Merlin. At that moment all he wanted was to kill the girl in front of him. She was the one that had started everything. With her death came the first appearance of Noxic. Merlin had killed four innocent men the day Emae died. He wanted to grab her throat and...

She couldn't be any older than fourteen. She was so young. Emae had so much of her life left ahead of her. She hadn't done anything wrong. She was like him. She practised magic.

Merlin stepped forward.

Two little blonde girls, one around nine or ten and the other around six or seven, came out from behind the trees and walked towards the girl. One stood on the right of her older sister and the other on the left. They stared at him with wide eyes, as if knowing the exact emotions he felt.

He wanted to kill them too.

Merlin snarled and took another step forward. He hated them. He was going to throttle all three of them and force them to watch as their siblings died...

Emae watched Merlin solemnly. "Your choice," she said.

Merlin's trance faded away. He stared at the wall opposite of him with a blank expression. Occasionally his mouth would twitch upwards into a manic smile, but it would be in brief flashes. Merlin tilted his head back and a blissful smile crossed his face. He looked like a child on Christmas morning. The serene face mutated into a feral grin.

Merlin curled up in a ball on his side, smirking as he felt his magic grow. If it wasn't for the damn chain, he would have killed Morgause. But that could wait. She didn't know how strong he was. She didn't know what waited for her inside of the small, dank cell. She didn't know her prisoner would soon be her doom.

The thin golden chain burned white-hot, but Merlin barely noticed. It began to crack under the strain.

Dimly, Merlin heard Morgause walk down the hallway. He could see her reel back slightly when she saw him. Merlin looked dead, but his eyes were alight with a sick glee. He suddenly stood and reached out to grab her wrist with inhuman speed. His skin was white as a sheet.

He didn't say a word, but Morgause could read his face. _I have you now._

Morgause gasped as the hand that clung to her burned ice-cold. Merlin stepped through the bars like a ghost. Morgause shrieked and tried to pull away from Merlin.

The golden chain snapped.

_Your choice._

Morgause gasped and stood frozen in her fear. She was looking at a creature, a terrible monster made completely of magic and utterly mad with power. The figure rapidly transformed into a bear, an eagle, a tiger, a crocodile... there were too many to count and many had no name. She couldn't believe that this... this _thing_ was once Merlin. Merlin, who always had a witty comeback at the ready, who managed to fall flat on his face every other moment, who always had an infectious smile, was no longer there.

Morgause shouted a spell that created a ball of fire, throwing it at Merlin. He transformed back into a human without saying a word, and lifted his hand. The fire faded to smoke. Morgause let her trembling hand fall to her side in acceptance. There was nothing she could possibly do.

Merlin became a black mist and seeped inside of the once fearless witch. She gasped as her magic left her to join the vast amount of power Merlin had. Morgause fell to her trembling knees weakly.

The black mist left Morgause and became Merlin once more. He stared at her barely breathing body emotionlessly. He was going to kill her. And he was going to enjoy it.

"Good bye Morgause," he said softly as he knelt down next to her limp body. A brilliant flash of light filled the dungeon as Merlin took her life.

Merlin laughed once more as pure energy thrummed inside his body. He was no longer a human with magic; he was magic that had somehow managed to be contained in a human. He was unstoppable. No one would dare try and prevent him from getting what he wanted.

For just a moment, he hesitated. Everything felt so good, but there was something that just felt wrong. Had he forgotten who he was? Had he forgotten what he once held so close to his heart?

_Your choice._

Had he lost himself?

Merlin closed his eyes, swaying back and forth while his magic continued to increase. It didn't feel quite right, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. And he was enjoying this so much. There was nothing he couldn't do. He was finally free.

Finally free.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Merlin, two little girls crouched behind a wall, terrified. Although they didn't know it, Merlin had just seen them in his dream. They glanced at each other, an unspoken phrase evident in the other's eyes.

_We're too late._


	17. The Game

Morgana ran her silver brush through her thick black hair, smiling slightly at the feeling. Her wavy hair flowed down to her waist, every centimetre of it shimmering in the light. She had seen countless servants gaze at her hair in envy and admiration. Although the former made her feel more pleased, both gave her a slight smirk.

Near her slim hand rested a knife. Her fingers wrapped around it and held it up to the dim light from her smouldering fire. Her plan was achingly simple.

Morgana rose from her seat and strode towards her door confidently. The door creaked as she pushed on it. After she glanced down both sides and saw them empty, Morgana smiled. She gazed back down at the dagger in her hands, softly stroking the handle. She walked down the familiar hallways to a familiar destination to see a familiar person. What she planned to do, however, was unfamiliar.

The death of his son would break Uther.

Morgana opened the door that led to the prince's bedroom. Arthur lay in a sprawl that took up his entire bed, his snores almost comical in their volume. Morgana held the dagger over his neck, poised to strike...

_"3... 2... 1! Ready or not, here I come," ten year old Morgana hollered. She eagerly uncovered her eyes and glanced around the room. The noise of rain on a silent castle was the only sound that greeted her ears. She darted out the door and ran down the hallway, giggling. She never lost this game, Morgana _always _managed to find Arthur. A flicker of a shadow behind a door made her hesitate. Morgana paused for a moment, then opened the door and saw an empty room with only a wardrobe and a fine layer of dust. She walked forward with a wide smile on her face. Morgana opened the wardrobe door and shifted aside the many fur coats._

_"Ow!" _

_Morgana giggled again and moved aside a particularly large brown fur cloak, revealing Prince Arthur making a face while rubbing his eye._

_"I found you!"_

_"That doesn't count. You poked my eye."_

_"Wanna play again?"_

_Arthur crossed his arms, blonde hair falling in front of sullen eyes. "Yeah, but this time I'm gonna win. You just wait."_

The hands holding the dagger trembled.

_"30... 29... 28..."_

_Morgana frantically ran from the wardrobe room and into another room down the corridor. She crawled inside a trunk filled with linens, shifting some of them to the side so she could fit comfortably. She smiled to herself at such a brilliant plan._

Morgana gripped the dagger tighter.

_"22... 21... 20..."_

_She had always loved the clean, pure smell of freshly washed sheets. They reminded her of flowers. _

_"16... 15... 14..."_

Arthur looked so relaxed and at peace. He was even smiling. Morgana's hands shook even harder.

_"10... 9... 8..."_

_Yes, Morgana liked flowers. The castle gardens were a beautiful recluse, always sunny and colourful. She could always find a hidden spot to recline in and watch clouds float by. Butterflies would often flutter by, searching for just the right flower to pollinate and spread life to._

She had to do it... she had to...

_"3... 2... 1! Ready or not, here I come!"_

Outside the window, a starry sky gazed down serenely, the clearness sharply contrasting the rainy day she remembered all those years ago.

_Morgana laughed quietly as she listened to Arthur blunder down the hallway. She could hear him throw open doors, search for a few seconds, then continue down his noisy path. She held her breath as he opened the door to the room she hid in. _

_"Are you in here?" he said. Morgana grinned. "I guess not," he muttered, walking away._

_Ten minutes later, Arthur stormed down the hallways shouting "I give up, Morgana! Where are you?" Morgana stepped out of the trunk and into the hallway._

_"It seems like I win again, Arthur."_

Morgana's grip weakened. Her arms fell to her side. She stared at the prone figure lying peacefully asleep in bed.

_"No way. That wasn't fair."_

_"It was too."_

This was the same person who had grown up with her, the same person who once played hide and seek on rainy days. Morgana turned so her back faced Arthur.

_"I wanna play again," said Arthur. _

_"Great. It's my turn to count." Morgana cleared her throat and covered her eyes. "30... 29... 28... 27..." Arthur frantically blundered away from the room, hurrying to find a spot where he could hide._

Morgana turned so she faced Arthur again.

_"24... 23... 22... 21..."_

Arthur's breaths were numbered.

_"17... 16... 15... 14..."_

Morgana hated him. Arthur was just like his father. Neither of them cared for their people, they were selfish and greedy and arrogant...

_"11... 10... 9... 8..."_

Arthur didn't deserve to be a prince, let alone a future king. Morgana lifted the dagger above his head, and then placed it closer so the cold steel rested a centimetre from his neck. Uther would be absolutely devastated when he discovered his one and only son was found dead...

His breaths were numbered.

_"4... 3... 2... 1..."_

The knife sparkled in the silver starlight, the icy metal shining with glee in anticipation of its next victim...

* * *

Through a foggy white haze, Merlin dimly saw people stand around his body. The distant sound of footsteps seemed to resound around him, as if he were lying in a great cavern. Although he could hear the sound of hundreds of people walking about, however, only a few of them were visible. Besides the disembodied footsteps, complete silence weighed the air down. There was no rustle of wind or buzzing of bugs or murmuring voices. There were only footsteps.

Merlin felt an awful... _something_... press down on his chest. It was so heavy and yet there was a certain lightness about it. The blackness was beautiful and hideous, lovely and disgusting, delicate and yet completely savage. It was frigid fire, burning ice. A black light and a white shadow. A grey rainbow and colourful storm clouds. It was dry snow. Green skies and blue grass.

It went against all nature.

Merlin hated it.

_But it's wonderful._

He could feel the shimmering gold within his body morph and transform. Blackness spread like a flame, licking and devouring all it touched. Where once pure gold resided inside of him, darkness appeared and ate away at the vulnerable areas of pain and loss. It became somewhat difficult to remember why exactly he was so upset, but he knew Morgana lay at the heart of his pain. She was the cause of everything. She was the reason so many people had suffered and bled and died...

The darkness pressed down. Merlin wanted it. Merlin _needed_ it. With it, he could make Morgana suffer. With it, he could receive his revenge at last. With it, he could do so much more...

It was so beautiful... so very beautiful...

What little gold was left flickered feebly against the terrible tide of black...

So... beautiful...


	18. The Conversation

"Emrys."

Merlin shifted uneasily. The sound of footsteps began to fade. The darkness suddenly halted and hesitated.

"Emrys!"

Someone shook his shoulder gently. The hazy grey fog cleared slightly. Were those... were those _birds_ he could hear? The gold flickered brighter. Only a small patch was left, but that tiny spot of gold glimmered bright and strong.

_"Emrys!_"

Merlin's eyes opened. A young girl's wide eyes gazed into his. She peered warily into his face, looking like she was searching for something. Relief flickered briefly across her face, but she stiffened when Merlin sat up. There was something familiar about her eyes and nose, but he couldn't recall what. He glanced around the forest he lay in.

"What... where am I? Who are you?" Merlin frowned while he looked at her. Another girl stepped forward hesitantly. She was even younger, maybe around six or seven. The similarity between the two was uncanny. The younger girl too stared at him uneasily.

"You don't remember us?"

"Should I?" Merlin raised his hand to rub his eyes, but he noticed the two girls flinch back slightly when he moved. "What is it?"'

"We're... Emae's sisters," said the older girl after giving her sister a glance. She bit her lip and glanced down at her knees.

"That's why... I thought you looked familiar... How did you find me?"

"We saw a group of men hand you over to the witch. Then the witch dragged you over to that castle," said the younger girl.

"But what were you doing in the forest?"

The two sisters glanced at each other again. Merlin noticed their dresses were ragged and torn and their hair had leaves and sticks in them. "We were trying to find food," said the older girl. "Our village... our village is starving." Tears began to stream from her eyes. "I've seen so many people die. And... and..."

"We have to help somehow," her younger sibling finished.

"I'm so sorry. Why is there no food?" asked Merlin.

"Bandits keep stealing our grain and crops for themselves."

"I'm sorry, but I really have to get back to Camelot..."

The younger girl also began to cry. She rubbed her eyes with her hand, smearing dirt on her face.

"Is there something I can do to help?" Merlin asked, not wanting to leave two small, crying children alone in the forest.

"Can you come with us? And fight the bandits off?"

"I... suppose..." Merlin muttered, thinking of the time when he, Arthur, Morgana, and Gwen had gone to Ealdor for a similar reason. But that time, he couldn't use his magic except as a last resort. Now he could. "How far are we?"

"Only a half hour at the most." The older girl frowned at him. "Can you remember where you were before?"

Merlin glanced up at the sky. "Morgause had me in a cell... and then... and then..." Merlin gasped. "Oh no... oh no no no no no no..."

"Emrys – "

"How could I do that?" he said to himself. Merlin looked away from the two girls, feeling ashamed. It had finally happened. He had given into his anger. Memories flooded back. Breaking the gold chain. Becoming a black mist and stealing Morgause's power. Then he killed her. He had given into his desire for revenge and hatred. It had been so easy. So very easy...

And his moments of unconsciousness... of feeling dark magic smothering his own magic. No wonder the two sisters were looking at him that way, as if they were afraid of him. Somehow they had seen what he had done. Merlin didn't even know it was possible to steal someone's magic, and yet somehow he had torn it away from Morgause like some kind of awful...

Merlin half-hoped it had just been a dream, but the two young girls staring at him uneasily suggested otherwise.

"You remember."

"Y-Yeah," Merlin said shakily. He had to redeem himself somehow, and an opportunity was dancing in front of his face. He could help and save people. He didn't have to kill and destroy and murder... "Now, how far away again did you say your village was?"

* * *

Arthur's eyes shot open. Something was wrong. Something was very, _very,_ wrong. He glanced out his window. Through the glass, he could see the familiar constellations that his father had shown him as a child. But something was just wrong. Arthur sat up and twisted in his bed so his feet rested on the soft wool rug. He shivered and glanced over at the smouldering wood in his fireplace. The orange and black embers gave off just enough heat that he didn't freeze at night; it had made him uneasy ever since Morgana's curtain caught fire to have a lit fireplace burning while he slept. Although he knew a candle had caused the accident, fire just didn't look the same anymore. Gone was the illusion of home and warmth – now it was just another way to get killed. Merlin knew it made the prince uneasy to have fire crackling while he slept, so he just –

_Merlin._

Merlin was still missing. Merlin was still gone. Merlin was lost somewhere in the forest, or maybe enslaved by mercenaries, or... or...

He could be dead.

Arthur winced at the thought. He got up from his soft bed to pick up a heavy poker and nudged the smouldering embers. The icy metal felt comforting in his hand, its weight and length reminding him of his sword.

Flies and maggots could be devouring Merlin's flesh. He could be half eaten, maybe even gone save for a skeleton and bits of skin...

Arthur shuddered again, gripping the metal tighter. It was Merlin. He had to be alive, but he was in trouble somewhere. He had to be alive. He just had to...

* * *

Morgana paced her bedroom angrily. She couldn't do it. She just couldn't. She was weak. She was foolish. She was childish. It was so simple! No one needn't have known that it had been Morgana that had murdered the prince. It would be basically impossible to trace back the crime to her. Arthur's new servant would walk into his master's bedroom to find him with a slit throat. The servant then would tell Uther and Uther would break down. With his one and only son lying dead, the king would be absolutely devastated; he would be unfit to lead. And that's where Morgana came in. She would have been able to convince Uther in his weakened state to give her the throne when he died. He would be nearly catatonic; his common sense all but gone.

No one else would need to have died. Only Arthur. But she couldn't do it. She just couldn't. Morgana stopped walking and sat down on her bed, rubbing her eyes. She ran a slim hand through her thick black hair and stared at her wall.

Why? Why couldn't she do it?

She was weak. She was foolish. She was childish. Morgana curled up on top of her covers and shut her eyes angrily, one though repeating itself again and again inside her mind.

_I'm pathetic._

* * *

"We're nearly there. Just around these trees..."

Merlin squinted against the bright sunlight and peered in the direction the girls pointed. He could dimly see a small collection of cottages and a farm. They walked around a collection of bushes and reached the village.

Merlin's first thought was that it reminded him of the last time he had seen his home, Ealdor. The poorly made houses and weary people were all too familiar. No children played in the streets and the farms were almost barren. People looked up cautiously at the strange man walking into their village and edged away from him, worried he was just another threat.

"It's okay," the younger girl told Merlin. "They won't hurt you."

Merlin smiled weakly.

"Let's take him to Maddoc," the older girl said cheerfully. "His house is this way. Come on." The girls started towards a house that looked no different from the rest. Merlin hesitated before following them. The younger girl knocked on the door.

Merlin wasn't sure what he was expecting – maybe an old man with a long white beard, or perhaps a confident, muscular young man, but he certainly wasn't thinking of the person who opened the door.

Maddoc was thin and had posture that would make any noble shudder. He reminded Merlin of a child cringing away from a beating. His pointed nose and shifty blue eyes gave Merlin the impression of a nervous rabbit.

"Who's this?" the man asked quietly, glancing from Merlin to the two girls.

"This is Emrys," the younger girl said happily. "He's gonna help us."

"Emrys?" Maddoc repeated sceptically. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. "Excuse me if I don't say I don't quite believe you. Isn't Emrys supposed to be a wise old man?"

"He's defiantly Emrys," said the older sister.

Something suddenly occurred to Merlin. "Aren't you Druids?"

The man paused before answering. "Yes."

"Why can't you fight off the bandits yourselves?" Merlin asked.

"Something has happened." Maddoc glanced past Merlin for a moment. "The magic has changed."

Merlin waited for Maddoc to continue, but he didn't say anything else. "Changed how?"

Maddoc shrugged, clearly uncomfortable talking about it to a stranger. "It just has."

"But how?"

Maddoc scowled and tried to close the door, but Merlin grabbed it and wrenched it back open. "Can I come in?"

"No."

Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw the two girls glance at each other.

"Fine. When you say that the magic has changed, do you mean it's... darker in any way?"

Maddoc's eyes widened, and for the first time his glare disappeared. "The magic of the Old Religion normally flows through nature freely, but something has been blocking it. Something evil has begun to poison the magic."

"How do you mean?"

Maddoc licked his lips nervously. "No part of the Old Religion is evil. If someone uses it for selfish or greedy purposes, then they themselves are bad, but never the magic itself. The Old Religion is pure. It is not good, or evil. It just is."

"Then how – "

"Let me finish," Maddoc snapped, rolling his eyes. Merlin rubbed the back of his neck.

"There is a certain branch of magic that is separate from the Old Religion. It has no name, but some refer to it as the Darkness. It corrupts the mind and soul and eventually body. None who use it live very long."

"Why don't they just heal themselves?" Merlin asked.

"One of its fatal weaknesses is that it cannot be used to heal its effects on the body."

"Then why use it if you don't live very long?"

"I haven't finished! Magic of the Darkness is deeper and stronger than that of the Old Religion. Depending on the sorcerer, it can be nearly limitless." Merlin shifted his weight uneasily. There was no doubt in his mind. He had used dark magic. He couldn't help but wonder what would have happened to him if the two sisters hadn't found him in time.

"And the people who use the Darkness, do they have red eyes?"

Maddoc looked surprised, then suspicious. "Yes. Have you met anyone with the Eyes?"

Merlin opened his mouth, but a sharp cry made him turn around.

"They are coming!"


End file.
